One of the primary reasons I only choose to write about trans-related topics once a week typically is to attempt to portray this concept as best I can. I really only post transgender topics in the first place to help and/or educate others finally being at a place in my life where I feel am able to give back to the community. I never do it with any intention of boasting or to convey that it is miraculous to be trans or anything along these lines.
I try to write about all different kinds of topics and interests of mine to further enforce this point, also while hoping to potentially attract new readers without being “judged” first by any means for being transgendered. I feel that I have plenty to share with others that has absolutely nothing to do with being trans.
This is why in my personal life I rarely choose to disclose my “transgender status” with others before I feel they learn to know me simply as a person beforehand. I seldom approach it any other way nowadays with some exceptions.
At my core I am exactly the same person I have always been my entire life!
Just a much happier person who is more willing to express and share certain aspects of myself that I wasn’t able to do beforehand for a number of reasons.
I have primarily the same interests I’ve always had, the same views and philosophies on life with just simply, if anything, gaining more new hobbies and interests than ever before!
Don’t get me wrong, it may still on occasion upset or bother me on a personal level in some aspects but who doesn’t experience feelings like this about themselves every once in a while regardless of who or what you may be.
I feel some who may not be all that familiar with transgendered individuals can sometimes have this view that we are trying to “shove it down your throat” on occasion. As if we somehow feel we instantly deserve your respect or acceptance. I would never expect this from anyone else no matter what and never would expect the same in return. (I plan to write a topic based solely on my views pertaining to respect in general for those who may be interested in the future.)
I’ve stated previously in my topic about how, “being trans is in no way a choice” that we are simply just normal average people just trying to live our lives like anyone else. We have hopes, dreams, things we need and want. We are just like anyone else who just wants to be happy so they can be their best self.
Some trans people who choose to transition in the beginning might not initially or ever be up to the standards of what some may deem “worthy of being female” but this does not change the fact that they always have been and always will!
A good majority, if not all, are not seeking the “extra attention” they may often receive or trying to harm/offend anyone, I assure you!
Each and everyone of us, trans or not, is just trying to do whatever they can to be comfortable with themselves and be happy!
We all deserve this no matter who you are and/or your background!
What are your first thoughts when you look at this small happy smiling anime girl in the image above?
Maybe you are thinking she just looks like your standard cutesy adorable type of character you tend to see often in many series?
You would be entirely correct in this statement and should think nothing less!
Granted her character in this show is actually a zombie but we’ll get to that in a minute…
For those of you who may not be all that familiar with the anime/otaku world let me begin by explaining just exactly how the word “trap” has been used by many in the community over the years.
The word trap in this particular instance as you may have guessed after me deciding to feature it as a “Trans-Topic” as opposed to placing it under a “Media Monday” post is used in a way you can probably imagine. It is used fairly commonly to describe, in a very general sense, a character who is for one reason or another implied to be “trapping you” by presenting as a gender other than their own.
Anime, manga, and the like is more filled with this particular “trope” then one may think initially if you have not been exposed to a great deal of it. It can arise in many forms, to just random moments, an episode or two, or even be the primary premise for an entire show in some cases. This can vary greatly from characters who cross-dress, actual physical transformations caused by fantastical means, or androgynous characters who may be hard to distinguish and/or are often “confusing” to others in many incidences. (I’m looking at you, Hideyoshi!)
In some cases as you may have guessed, however, some of these characters that people refer to as traps are legitimate trans people!
The first of my examples being the character I mentioned at the beginning of this topic! Her name is Lily from a reasonably newer anime called “Zombie Land Saga.” Lily, as I’m sure you may have guessed by now is revealed to be a young trans girl only towards the end of the series. I feel this is one of the most well done scenes in anime that has been done to this day to convey that she is transgendered in a very subtle realistic manner.
In the eighth episode she has a conversation with one of the other main girls in the show simply explaining about how she used to go by another name and giving a quick brief summary of her past explaining how her new name came to be. All the lead girls in this show are an idol group who are made up of the undead, hence the name of the series. You find out slowly how all the girls met their various ends with Lily’s death occurring from the stress of growing her first chin hair! If this isn’t as equally adorable as much as it hilariously expresses how some trans-females truly feel when puberty begins than I don’t know what is!
The next character I would like to discuss comes from an older anime released in 2005 known as “Paradise Kiss.” This show revolves around a group of fashion students primarily and their various other life struggles. One of the characters named Isabella is easily one of the most respectable representations of a genuine trans-woman I have ever seen in any anime!
This is another perfect example of a character whose “reveal” does not take place until much later in the series. I honestly questioned it somewhat myself when I first began to watch the show and had all but written it off feeling that I tend to do this in many circumstances as a trans-woman myself hoping to find such an amazing strong female character to potentially be transgendered!
The scene in which this is shown involves a flashback of her and a male lead from the show as children in which it shows the male character fully accepting her to the point he begins to design dresses for her to wear. When she first puts one on in front of him she is clearly very shy and embarrassed, with this almost instantaneously being erased from the full support of her friend. Since that day she lived her life as herself and that was that. Minor incidences do take place that portray some levels of discrimination at points, some of which you may not necessarily even pick up on in earlier episodes.
These are my primary examples of strong legitimate trans-female characters to appear in anime that are both so realistically presented.
A series named “Wandering Son” is one I wanted to mention very briefly as well. This particular show’s primary theme revolves solely around both a young trans female and a trans male. It portrays both of their individual struggles of being transgendered mostly involving a school setting. I highly recommend it to anyone who may be trans themselves or interested in the topic in general! (I say brief because I almost feel this show may deserve it’s own topic one day in the future!)
I would hope that some of you at this point would be beginning to understand how these particular characters, as many others, being referred to as “traps” is just plain incorrect and upsetting in a number of ways.
This term is often viewed in a whole other way than simply being used incorrectly on occasion. It can often tend to be looked at in terms of attraction and/or imply “sexual connotations.” I’m sure some of you have seen in past posts of mine that one of the number one things I can’t stand is when someone views transgender individuals as a fetish of any kind. The use of this word to describe and discuss characters who may be actual transsexuals or not only seeks to further enforce that this notion is acceptable in a number of ways.
I’m sure many view this as nothing but simple harmless banter. However, in this day and age where transgendered people have been placed in the “spotlight” more than ever in recent years I would really love to see it slowly cease being used if possible. I know this probably isn’t realistic to expect it to happen overnight. This is simply one of the more primary reasons I’ve always wanted to discuss this topic on some form of media.
I hope that even one person who may use this term on occasion would even slightly reconsider what the term “trap” can imply and mean to some. Potentially, maybe thinking twice about continuing to do so in the future.
One thing I can not stand almost more than anything else is fake people! Something about this type of person, at least for me personally, is always so easy to pick up on and identify right off the bat. I couldn’t pin point exactly what it is about them that makes it so obvious per se. I feel it primarily has to just be mainly you can tend to tell when a person is trying to hard I suppose? I would imagine this has to become quite exhausting on occasion.
I’ve made it a habit since I was very young to only surround myself with genuine people whenever I was able to make the choice on who I spent my time with. I can’t think of many close friends I’ve ever had in my life that didn’t fit this qualification.
I understand fully that in some circumstances in can sometimes be necessary to put up some type of front or “wear a mask” as they say. Depending on the type of work environment you may find yourself in for example. I know I have personally worked many jobs that required a healthy amount of customer service. This sure does not mean that I keep up this level of presentation with my coworkers or even all customers however. I know a good majority of us can often hold back when first meeting someone whether it be a new potential friend or family member. This is completely normal as well! I’m talking mainly in the sense of once these relationships have been established for a reasonable amount of time.
I know for myself that any ability I ever had to hide anything of myself from anyone has all but completely faded since I started hormones and began transitioning.
(See, we are getting into why this is more of a trans-topic post now!)
I’m not entirely sure if this is more based on the mental changes I have undergone, just being tired of holding back my full “true self” for so long, or the latter.
I can say from my own experience and interactions with other transgender individuals that you will rarely encounter one of us that isn’t completely a genuine person! This applies more so once you get farther into your transition I feel for the most part but this is by no means always the case!
A piece of advice I’d like to give to those who may be just beginning to transition (or really anyone for that matter) is letting yourself fully find out who you are. I mean this more in the sense as to never feel the need to limit yourself by expectations!
Never let anyone or anything make you feel that you have to be anything that you’re not!
What I mean by this mainly to give an example, I tended to feel like early on in my own transition that some expected me to like overly change somehow in the sense that I would be stereo-typically more “girly” or something along these lines.
Do not get me wrong!
I am plenty “girly” in a number of different ways, ha ha!
However, I would say I am far from being dominantly so!
I am beyond “tom-boyish” in plenty of ways as well!
Once again though, what is all this honestly based on in the first place except for certain expectations put in place by our society?
What exactly is it that make such things absolutely have to be more preferred or “normal” by one gender over the other?
Why can’t people just be people?
I suppose this can sound a bit odd from someone who felt so strongly about their gender identity that they felt the need to change certain aspects of herself to feel more comfortable but I would hope you understand my point here, ha ha!
Back to just talking more in a general sense!
I feel like a common area this can apply for anyone is often being embarrassed or ashamed of your interests.
Whether they may be considered nerdy/geeky (whatever the heck this even means once again!) or anything in general for whatever reason a friend/family member of yours doesn’t approve of.
First and foremost!
Learn to stop caring at all what people think about you in any sense of the word!
I realize that this can be much easier said than done depending on the situation but does it really need to be?
Own whatever it is that you enjoy and makes you yourself!
And love yourself for it!
We are all incredibly unique people and this is what makes us all fantastically amazing!
No one else in this world no matter what will ever be exactly who you are!
Remember this!
Not only have I personally embraced my gender identity over the past five or so years but this process has also made me learn to be myself completely and fully! (Whether I want to be or not for the most part as stated above, ha ha!) I have all but ceased trying to hide my “weird” and often “crazy” self from anyone no matter who you are! Random stranger on street, my friends, my family, anyone!
I know I already stated this above but once again learn to love yourself for what makes you special!
I can almost guarantee that if you own whatever makes you uniquely yourself that you will become a ton happier than you have ever been in your life!
(As I often like to include in various posts! Always keeping in mind as long as this never involves harming anyone or causing anyone any kind of pain! If you do feel like this then please do yourself a favor and seek some type of help, ha ha!)
If you don’t love yourself for whatever reason right now, take comfort in the fact that even though I might not know you, I love you!
I mean this sincerely!
I tend to be cursed with this ability to always see the good in people and find something I like about you even with the aforementioned “faker” types. I’m sure you have your reasons for acting the way you do!
As the title would suggest, I recently only a short while ago decided to finally experiment with dating apps for the first time ever in my life.
I’m a very traditional girl in every sense of the word when it comes to relationships and the like.
I’m not the type to do one night stands or any type of random hook ups really. I prefer to actually date someone that I share a real connection with and don’t do so very often. I can easily count the number of serious relationships I’ve ever really had on one hand.
I’ve always been a sucker for “movie magic romance” I suppose.
Two people meet in real life by chance, instantly share a connection and it just grows from there. Maybe a good old damsel in distress scenario, love at first sight or any of the other various movie cliches they make you believe as a child, ha ha!
Clearly, I’m grown up a lot and have realized it takes a lot more than such things to make a relationship work. The sole reason for me expressing all this is simply I never thought I would ever try any type of dating app in my life.
So, how did it go you might be wondering?
I barely even know where to begin…
I was absolutely overwhelmed with messages to say the least! Easily over a hundred only within the first day or so…
I’ve only played around with two separate apps so far so I’m sure results can vary greatly depending on which ones you may try but I primarily dealt with the same things on both of these.
First of all, being transgendered, I am never one not to disclose this information to someone the second they show any type of romantic interest in me. (This has really hurt in a number of ways previously in “real life” for the record which may even be what prompted me to try this is the first place.) In both of my profiles I made sure to express I was trans right away in the first section of my introduction.
Yet still…
A good majority of men clearly don’t read this at all and I found myself on multiple occasions dealing with them being both shocked and/or disgusted!
This makes a girl feel fantastic I assure you! (Trademark Sarcasm!)
After I get done sorting through these lovely types of people I’ve found that three main groups of others remain!
Regular run of the mill perverts/creeps! (Which I know all woman have experienced whether they want to or not!)
Fetish types! (Who rarely are even well informed on trans-related topics)
The very elusive potentially good guy!
I wouldn’t imagine I need to say much about how creepy some men can be. No offense to some of you gentlemen! Seriously, I even felt the need to eventually put in my profile that I won’t even respond if you instantly show me a pic of your “private areas,” then isn’t that almost enough said? Let alone just the instantaneous random very inappropriate comments!
Now, fetish types, this one almost deserves it’s own post in the future so I’ll try to keep this brief. If you at all attempt to approach or date a trans-person I can almost guarantee 100% of the time that they will never want to viewed as anything but themselves! If you have any interest in us just for being what we are then you need to GO AWAY!
This almost became a game to me at a point to make it my own personal pleasure to destroy these types of people! I would only do this after trying my best to honestly educate them on transgender individuals before so for the record.
This leads me right into my next point that applies to both these first two groups, being simply that in some circumstances that being transgendered somehow implies that you are “desperate” in the eyes of some people. I don’t understand what puts this idea in some peoples heads and maybe it doesn’t apply to all but it sure does to me! I have stayed single for quite some time by choice for the most part I promise you! I actually ended up adding this to my profile eventually as well even though it was about as helpful as everything else included on it…
Lastly, that leaves the extremely seldom found actually decent person who actually wants to attempt to have a conversation with you! I’d say from my experience this is roughly about 1/10 or so which is probably almost being a bit generous…
My experience so far in communicating with this rare breed has been quite the mixed bag. Sometimes it seems like you two are getting along extremely well only for them to turn out to be one of the other previously two mentioned types of people or just disappearing without any reason/word a good majority of the time.
I have since still, somewhat continued to talk to a few individuals off these apps but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from them or not. I did meet one person so far in person which went reasonably well but after that night I have yet to hear from them again. (Probably because I was unwilling to perform certain acts on our first meeting if your curious…)
I think I’ve learned the best way to approach this type of thing is to simply have no serious expectations and just try your best to keep it fun and casual?
I know many people I know personally have been lucky enough to find real long lasting relationships so I believe that it’s possible and some level of hope for achieving this exists if that’s what you so desire. If you go in with the mindset of knowing what you want or are looking for then I think it’s worth trying at least. Just certainly expect quite a wide variety of people to sort through before finding someone looking for something similar.
I personally don’t know how much longer I intend to keep using them myself honestly. I already have not used them for at least a week and have no idea if I plan to return to continue to do so currently.
Why do I have to be cursed with being such a romantic?!?
Kidding for the most part, but I do feel a certain level of truth exists in this statement for those who may feel similar to myself.
Dating sucks whether it’s the old fashioned way or by newer means!
I will always believe that eventually everyone will find love and happiness with someone else if that’s what they truly hope to find!
We all deserve love and support in our lives no matter who that may come from!
I feel like this post has ended up way longer than I intended even with trying my best to hold back so I’ll wrap it up here, as always…
Had a hard time finding a picture I liked for this topic, then I saw this berry and it just seemed almost perfect for what I wanted to express!
I often read or even come across others in my own life that still seem to think that being transgendered is somehow a choice…?
Trust me when I say, it is in no way a choice!
Sure, if you think someone would choose to be something that affects almost every aspect of their life!
More often than not since you were a small child!
That constantly makes you feel uncomfortable and anxious!
Leaving you struggling searching to find something that makes you feel even a little better!
Maybe, you find transitioning (or not transitioning) could be the only hope you have to find some type of relief from what you’ve always dealt with!
Yet, also this means being persecuted by a large amount of the population just for trying to be yourself!
When half the time you hate yourself plenty all on your own!
Then, who wouldn’t want to sign up for this as their life, right?!?!
Please, trust me when I say that being transgendered is in No Way a Choice!
It may sound extreme but for many of us it truly is a choice between life and death. We would rather not live anymore, or finally try to live our lives as who we have always truly been and hope for the best!
Let me stress a point here!
We are nothing but normal everyday people just trying to live our lives for the most part. We truly mean you no harm! I don’t understand the viewpoint that exists at all some seem to have that we are in anyway deviants of any kind?
Let’s stay on topic though for now, shall we?
Honestly, for any of you who may have ever taken a look at my “behemoth” of a post about “coming out” would know how much I tried to suppress being trans until it completely consumed me. For as large as that post may be, it only details very small parts of what I dealt with throughout my life.
I remember being in kindergarten and my class having a “Hawaiian Day” or something along those lines at school. I wore like a fake grass skirt home we had all made in class just because I liked it. This was innocent, I didn’t think anything of it really? When I got off the bus I remember my friend’s father calling me a “faggot” and telling me to take it off. This must have hurt me enough at the time to still make me remember it to this day.
Watching home videos and stuff now with my family, they often joke with me sometimes about how you can tell I was way more interested in my sister’s toys. I know at least one of them involved a ring from a “Pretty, Pretty Princess” game. (I’m far from a “princess” for the record, ha ha!)
Often when I was younger people would often mistake me for a girl. This would make me as equally happy as it would make me upset.
Then, you hit your teens and forget about it!
You are freaking out abouteverything!
It’s all just wrong and it kills you!
This can often lead to you experiencing depression for most of your teens, often following you into adult hood. You can try to find various ways to deny these feelings. Shut yourself down emotionally, alcohol, drugs, hobbies, various other distractions and vices but…
IT NEVER GOES AWAY!
And it never will go away!
No matter how you end up dealing with being transgender this is something you just end up needing to accept eventually or you will probably be miserable your entire life.
For many this path leads to transitioning like myself but others find plenty of other ways in some cases that allow them to find peace with themselves.
To each their own!
I’ve said before, gender is a spectrum and you can take all the time you need to find where your place on it lies!
I know that this topic is not one that is insanely unspoken about by any means! I do feel that in some ways it is almost put on the back-burner in a sense more often than not for some. I felt the need to write it more for those who may view or think being transgendered/transitioning is all more about the “physical aspect” of things than anything else.
Whether you be trans yourself or maybe just curious! I hope you enjoy!
Anyone who has read any of my previous posts will know that I have been on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for roughly five years now. Words can honestly not even begin to describe the roller-coaster something like this entails! I truly don’t think it will ever be something one can fully relate to unless you are transgendered yourself and choose to pursue hormone therapy.
I like to refer to the first, give or take, two years I was on hormones to be the “puberty phase.” During this time you are experiencing more emotions, thoughts, and feelings than you can hardly stand half the time typically leaving you overwhelmed in a multitude of ways for various reasons.
Not only are you literally fully replacing all the hormones in your body, which effect more aspects of every sense of our lives more so than some probably may realize or think about all too often. You are also dealing with who knows what the heck else. You are most likely horribly depressed, anxious, you may not have support, etc…
I was lucky in the sense to have amazing support almost all around but I had plenty of others unique circumstances I was dealing with as well. I can easily say that this whole period of time was the most depressing period and hardest times I’ve ever went through in my life. (Which is saying something I assure you!)
I spent probably my first three months on hormones sleeping almost all day, everyday, not only from depression but the effects of the changes I was experiencing from such at abrupt change to my system. For most of these first two years I was irritable, upset, exhausted, barely ate half the time, I barely functioned in general…
Then, miraculously one day (which literally feels like it comes out of absolutely nowhere!) I realized two things…
I’m kind of starting to feel a ton better and more stable?
Actually….I feel like a totally different person!
THIS IS INSANE! HOW AND WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?
I swear you will always read or see about this aspect of transitioning and taking hormones often discussed by others but it’s unimaginable until you truly experience it for yourself.
Don’t get me wrong! I am still 100% myself in so many ways!
It’s almost more as if who I’ve always been is just like enhanced? (For lack of a better word or ability to explain…)
I feel another potentially huge factor in all this is also how, more often than not, trans people will suppress who they really are in a lot of ways. I mention in my coming out post about how I used to mainly just let myself be emotionless almost, unintentionally, so I didn’t have to deal with how I really felt.
I can assure you now that I feel more emotions and cycle through more thoughts in a single day than I can even handle some days! Ha ha!
I feel in some ways like I was only born about 3 years ago and honestly never feel like the person I was before was ever me.
(I often think about how funny it would be if we could somehow meet. I think it would be HILARIOUS!)
When you first begin HRT I think a lot of the initial effects come more from relief of finally starting steps to help yourself and may in some ways even be a type of “placebo effect.”
Let me assure you, however!
Things are going to change one day in ways you can’t even comprehend out of nowhere and it will be amazing!
Be patient! As always, with all aspects of transitioning YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY!
Transitioning is by no means a race! Unless growing as a person every single day like we all should in life should be rushed… (Sarcasm!)
While, I still struggle in plenty of ways, as we all do, whether it be “normal problems” or transgendered related things, I have never felt better about myself as a person all around and continue to get happier and more comfortable every single day!
I do intend to make a post in the future pertaining to more specific examples and experiences that these changes have entailed but for now I think this will do just fine!
I hope this has been mildly entertaining and/or informative!
Random Thoughts and Info brought to you by Cailin Conroy! 