Karma! Are You a Believer?


Karma is a concept you often hear many people toss around and discuss at the drop of a hat in our daily lives. I wouldn’t imagine their are many people who are not familiar with the idea.

With most things along these lines I feel it needs to be taken with a grain of salt as they say.

It’s a comforting notion to think that those who do good things will be rewarded while those who do bad things will get what’s coming to them.

For the most part I have to say that I’m a believer myself.

Sometimes you can even see examples of “instant karma” where immediately after someone does something a reaction can take place almost right away to counteract the initial action.

I feel I have also witnessed this on a much grander scale of affecting people’s lives in a much more significant way, sometimes even much further down the line.

Sadly, as much as you can often see signs of karma taking effect, you will also see just as many incidents of those who do everything they possibly can for others while most of their life still can remain quite challenging.

So, does such a thing truly exist?

I tend to ponder this often when it pertains to my own life, seeming to have almost a perfect balance between good and bad luck.

I actually have an interesting story that could maybe explain my own personal state of being in this respect.

In my mid teens, probably around the age of 14-15, I had one of the most interesting interactions of my life with a “fortune teller.” This was something I had approached quite casually at the time believing that most of these types of things tend to be “acts” and solely for entertainment purposes. (This is not to say I’m not a believer in such abilities for the record!)

The reason I feel I have always remembered this particular occasion is because this is one of the only times with such a thing that this woman seemed so genuine and real. Long story short, she proceeded to tell me that my life would always be a constant struggle from the “bad karma” I was carrying from being a terrible person in my past life. (Clearly, this brings up an entirely different concept of reincarnation being real. Another topic I plan to discuss in the future!)

Honestly, though?

How many times have you ever heard of someone trying something like this and receiving such terrible news?

Aren’t these types of people supposed to tell you great fortune is in your future or the love of your life is right around the corner?

What did she possibly have to gain from saying such a thing?

I’ve questioned all this probably more than I should have throughout my life. She could have just been a “pro” in her field and just trying to seem legitimate but even still…

Keep in mind, I have by no means let this information control my thoughts or actions. It just always stuck with me for being an interesting experience is all.

It really does make a decent amount of sense for me as I began to explain earlier. How can I truly never have ever committed what I would consider to be malicious acts and still tend to have such bad luck more often than not? I’ve stated in previous posts in a completely non-boasting sense that I consider myself to be a pretty good person. I treat everyone exactly the same and always help others without ever expecting anything in return.

Is it truly this balance between my current karma and my past karma that gives me such an equal amount of “luck?”

Whatever the case may be, it is what it is!

It’s not like I would ever allow such a thing to rule me as I said.

What is life if not constant ups and downs for most part?

Regardless, if karma is real or not it would never change how I live my life and continue to treat others.

What are your thoughts on karma?

Are you a believer?


“Serendipity”by Maggie Houtz is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Just Wanted to Let You All Know I’m Still Here… (Also, I was Fired for the First Time in my Life…)


I can’t believe it’s been an entire month since I apologized for not being able to post after losing power for those few days weeks ago…

To say the least, that was the beginning of me entering one of my lovely “bad things tend to happen in threes” scenarios.

I find this quite funny considering one of the posts I had been working on at this time was on karma and how relevant it tends to be to my life in this respect. I will most likely edit said topic shortly after this and post it soon. Even though it seems odd to work on something I wrote over a month ago so we’ll see how that goes. It may not reflect my current feelings and circumstances which just wouldn’t feel right…

I sadly currently find myself in a very low place which occurs more often than I’d like in the course of my life. I found that when I first began to blog that it was very useful in helping me in this respect. Not only in organizing my own thoughts but also to help give me a task that I enjoyed doing. It doesn’t even necessarily feel right to post in a state of mind when I am not all that positive since this is what I always hope to inspire and convey. I am all about being real as well though which I guess is bound to coincide with this at times. I’m struggling very much right now to find anything that can hold my attention or give me even a moment of relief.

Gotta love depression!

It actually feels wrong to call this depression since actual clinical depression is typically brought on by nothing at all (which I’m no stranger to as well!) and this time I certainly have circumstances that have triggered my current feelings. (Or lack there of I should say…it’s sad how I still tend to revert to my “pre-transition” defense mechanism at times.)

I’m truly trying my best to not let my anxiety consume me as it has so many times before in the past.

To make a long story short, once my power was finally restored I came back to find my internet had been shut off which left me unable to post and I was only able to afford to restore it a few days ago. I live all by myself and just basic necessities are hard for me to maintain even when I do make decent money.

I briefly mentioned once I believe in my post on “satisfaction” that my job circumstances had recently changed for various reasons leading me to make a significant amount less than I was before so.

I had become completely content with this change in career because I thoroughly enjoyed the change of work experience and was really good at it if I do say so myself! My friend was my manager, with me being one of his assistant managers. I was happy and finally starting to feel better but with most good things in life this sadly came to an end sooner rather than later…

A number of “drama packed” incidents occurred within my company as they seem to do more often than not over my past two years with them which ended with my friend/boss quitting. This left my store in quite a disarray.

Two weeks later….for the first time in my life…

I was FIRED!

I was asked to leave one night with absolutely no reasoning by the person who was chosen to replace my boss. At first, he wouldn’t even give me a reason as I stated, just abruptly told me to clock out and leave for the night. Eventually, coming outside to speak to me informing me he heard rumors me and a fellow manager were planning a “mutiny.” Yes, he literally used this word…

The other girl and I were utterly shocked by this statement to say the least and couldn’t believe we were being dismissed for nothing but “locker room rumors” considering we were practically running the day to day operations entirely by ourselves. It ended with him saying we could both return to work the following day. The next morning, however, I woke up to a voicemail saying once again that I was no longer needed and that was that.

This was only last week…

I honestly wasn’t sure if I had planned to return regardless after such events having never experienced such disrespect and lack of trust in a workplace.

I’m still taking it quite hard because not only have I been told by every manager I’ve ever previously had within this company that I’m one of the “best workers they have ever had” but also for it to all to be so personal and really still without proper reasoning for my dismissal.

Others and myself have come to realize the whole situation may have had to do with me being trans, with it all just being an excuse to get rid of me which is something I’ve yet to deal with in a work place scenario. Perhaps why I didn’t even consider it at first.

This was a situation in which this middle-aged gentlemen used to treat me entirely different before he found out about me. He had actually worked below me at the time before his advancement and was no stranger to the occasional comment or more straightforward attempt to “hit on me.” After he was told, even though my interactions with him had changed, I never thought he would let it affect our professional relationship. Especially when I did so much for him after he took over.

At this point, it’s all neither here nor there I suppose…

I really only planned to make this a very quick entry stating that I was still around and hoping to become more active again.

I think I’m going to mix it up and just start to post whenever the time strikes me and feels right. Not to say that I ever forced anything in the past. I may revert back to a more solid schedule in the future. For now, however, I think this is the best plan until my life becomes a touch more stable again.

I know I have at least four or so drafts to edit and hopefully post in the near future I had previously already written, but I may just end up scrapping them at this point…

We’ll see!

Writing anew would probably be for the best right now in my current state anyway!

I’m sure I’ll push through like I always do!

Hope you all are doing well!

(I feel like I’m already going to regret this absolute drivel…at least I posted again at all.)


“Birds…”by nightshiftboy is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Talking to Yourself! A Fine Line Between Genius and Insanity!


I feel like most of the random topics I have written down and plan to discuss in the future for the most part are mildly serious.

A good majority of my random posts recently seem to have been this way so I thought I’d mix it up first with one just a touch more playful and lighthearted?

As I’m sure many of you would assume, as one would most likely not write on such a topic if they did not do this themselves…

I have always been beyond a person who talks to myself whether I am alone or with others!

I feel this has only become more commonplace as I grow older!

(Also, possibly from hormones as well…but I swear I did this already!)

I can honestly probably say in any given day I almost constantly talk to myself, even more so than I do with others sometimes…

You would think I would primarily just do this while at home or by myself like many people do on occasion but…

NO!

I practically do it 24/7 and it doesn’t matter where I am!

In a store, walking down the street, at work, everywhere!

I’ve really just learned to accept this and not care about the strange glances I often receive from others. I remember a few years back walking the streets of Philly literally telling myself I needed to stop…

This does not make you look any better I assure you! Ha ha!

So, as with most things about myself I have come to embrace it!

It helps me work out my own thoughts, focus on tasks, feel better about myself if I need to amp myself up once in awhile, plenty of things!

Apparently, more studies than you might think back up this information. I remember reading one about people having to remember certain items and being told to repeat them out loud while others did not. With those who did performing the task significantly better than those who did not! Many different kinds of these studies and information exist on this topic if you find yourself curious.

One of the most famous “geniuses” of all time, Albert Einstein, was overly infamous for noticeably talking to himself!

I’m not calling myself or anyone who talks out loud to themselves to be such a person but I do think that a basis for it assisting with many things is justified!

I remembering seeing once as well that this can be recommended to do for people who may suffer from panic attacks for another example. Simply just saying what you plan to do out loud or how your feeling at the moment is said to help greatly in such a situation.

I speak out loud when I write and review almost all of my posts, let alone other things. I tend to be able to write as fast as I would talk to someone in person which helps a great deal in such matters.

So, in conclusion it helps people to focus better, work out thoughts and feelings, feel better about themselves, and just overall appears to bring about nothing but positive things.

I think more people do this than they may be willing to show and express in front of others in some circumstances from my experience discussing this with others.

I say embrace it wherever you are as long as it helps you with whatever you might be doing at any given time!

As always…

Try your best to forget what people think about you!



You’re probably way cooler and a more well adjusted person than they could ever hope to be anyways!

Thank you so much for Reading!


“paving space”by vaXzine is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

“& teach yourself to learn.”by Stephen O is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Where Does Your Satisfaction Come From? What Does this Word Mean to You?


I honestly had no intentions of making this post by any means up until a few hours ago. I currently keep a notebook where I list my various topic ideas for the future and I suppose this will somewhat include some of those concepts as well as others I’ve mentioned in the past. A great deal was honestly inspired reading posts from a fellow blogger which made me realize that I had been thinking about this more so than I had even fully acknowledged recently.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am truly so in love with the world of blogging in terms of being able to share ideas and thoughts with others. Blogging is more a personal autobiographical diary for me above all else really. If anyone appreciates or takes anything from it, that is all really just a plus to me.

Stay on topic, Cailin!

This all really goes hand in hand with what has even had all this on my mind recently though. Anyone who may have read my introductory post would have seen that I came across WordPress completely by accident while filling out a job application. I created one myself primarily at first just to get a feel for the site if I did manage to get the position I applied for. (I did not if you’re curious.)

Blogging and writing has always been appealing to me and something I was interested in trying but never pursued for whatever reason.

(I feel like I’m making this more about blogging which was not my intention…)

My overall point in all this rambling I suppose is that I’m a big believer in that everything happens for a reason for the most part. I’ve also found that this is a great outlet for me to occasionally organize the endless flow of thoughts that constantly occur within my head.

Jumping back to me pursuing other means of employment recently is what primarily put the current topic of discussion back into my mind. One I have always often come back to over the years for a number of reasons.

What I do for a job/career has honestly never been that important to me. I honestly have a ton of respect for anyone who truly knows what they want for themselves in this regard in many ways! When I was younger I always just wanted to help people until I realized that this could never be achieved for me in the way I wanted it to be. (I’ve mentioned this more in depth in previous posts so I won’t continue to ramble any further on unrelated things.)

My primary reason for bringing this up is with my current change in circumstances over the past few months I feel like once again I find myself bombarded by others who feel I don’t apply myself and/or waste my potential. I was completely content and happy with my old profession as well as past and future endeavors. As stated above this has never been important to me.

In all honestly, what anyone does for a living isn’t really of any interest to me for the most part. I care far more about who you are as a person and in life than your status or how much money you may make. You could make a million dollars a year and I could care less if you aren’t a good person. Granted some are able to combine helping others and/or including their passions within their professions but for most, sadly, this is not a realistic luxury. I feel this applies more nowadays than ever before.

I have never been a materialistic person in any sense whether it be what I wear, drive, own, or where I live. None of this has ever meant anything to me, nor does it matter to me in terms of anyone else’s life. If I ever do find myself overly wealthy for some reason I would probably still drive a “beater” vehicle and live in a smaller home with rather “bohemian” decor, ha ha!

I’ve never understood anyone who desires status and/or wealth feeling that this will somehow make them happy or have this need to prove anything to anyone else.

As long as I am surrounded by good people that I love, being a good person, helping others whenever I can expecting nothing in return, all while truly believing I am doing my best than what more could I ask for?

I really meant the entire theme of this post involving “satisfaction” in the generalist terms I possibly could!

I mean it also in the ways I just stated above including never expecting anything from anyone when I’m nice to them or help them. I feel like many do this for the sense of satisfaction or achievement which I will never understand as well.

I feel others even with some things can almost force a sense of satisfaction out of wanting to prove something and/or other exceptions of society in a completely different way. For example, the way that some may be obsessed with taking photos of themselves, others, places, or experiences just to prove they have/did them? (If that makes any sense at all…) I feel this reigns true more now than ever with “social media” being so important to many.

As also just mentioned above, I truly feel I have always lived and tried my absolute hardest in all aspects of life regardless of what anyone else may think about me. If I was to die tomorrow for whatever reason I would do so knowing that I was content and happy with myself all around until this point. I’ve had a great life so far honestly with many different types of experiences and people with hopefully much more still to come that I can’t even imagine.

I feel that many seem to limit their own personal satisfaction by things that other people or society put in place for them. They think they need an established career, to get married, purchase a house, have children, etc. and while all these things are well and good allowing many to feel a sense of satisfaction. You should by no means feel this is the only path to take or the only things that matter.

(I’d like to point out I have previously accomplished all of the aforementioned in the past for the record! None of this when all was said and done made me particularly happy for a number of reasons, with the only exception being my children.)

I guess I should wrap up this rambling once again with my initial question in the title of this post!

Where does your satisfaction come from?

What does this word even really mean?

I honestly couldn’t be more intrigued to potentially hear others thoughts on this subject!

As stated above, however, this is more just me needing to work out the thoughts in my own mind. About how others have recently made me reflect and think about my own actions and achievements. I know I can honestly say without a doubt that I am happy and down right proud of myself and how I’ve lived my life so far.

I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it and I never will!

Neither should you!

Whatever makes you happy and leaves you feeling satisfied with your life than keep doing it!

What else is life about?

Thank you so much for Reading!

(Jeez…I had a feeling that was going to be a long one no matter how hard I tried but come on girl…I really am the ramble on queen whether in real life or in writing even when I try my best, ha ha!)


“Lake Como, Belmar”by Khaz is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

I’ve Never Felt Age was as Relevant as Some Often Make it Seem.


I’d like to first start by saying do not get me wrong at all to think I don’t feel that age can in some circumstances hold some level of relevance. I do feel, however, that more often that not it is rarely all that relative at all.

I feel shortly after most of us finish our varying levels of education/enter the workforce that people typically have a general sense of who they are and how they view the world. Not to say that some are not open and capable of changing in major ways but this in itself tends to be a bit of a rarity in my opinion.

I remember coming to this realization fairly soon in my early twenties. When you are still in school in your teens many still seem to have this view that “adults” are so much different than themselves at the time. (My sister being a very funny example of this still seeming to feel this way even now being 30.)

When I first became employed at a company full time regularly beginning to interact with others of all ages I came to the conclusion that by this point in most people lives that age really doesn’t mean anything. Everyone for the most part is primarily the same when it comes to what they may want, need, or desire. They have hopes, dreams, struggles, opinions, etc.

I remember I used to hardly be able to stand when anyone would jump to any type of conclusions about me as a person based solely on age. I have never considered myself to be typical in this sense often referring to the old expression of being an “old soul.” I have always thought and reflected on things that sometimes those much older than me at the time probably still have never gave a second thought in their lives.

I try my absolute best to remember to keep this mindset whenever I tend to interact with others who are younger than myself. I currently work with a young man who was only 19 when I initially met him. I have had more mature and thought provoking conversations with this person even more so than I have with people double or even triple his age. I often have even on some occasions forgotten how young he is sometimes because he in no way reflects any type of stereotypical “youth mentalities.”

Once again, this is all not to say that age does not in fact sometimes have relevance in some circumstances. Situations such as building a life for yourself including various achievements you hoped to obtain and being able to support yourself are primarily things that some can only learn with time. This concept itself is in no way a universal truth for all though as well by any means. You could be born into wealth or become famous at a young age for example.

This leads right into my next point being that a person’s age in no way reflects experiences they may have had that others can never relate to. This could range from simple things to ones that are very extreme. They could have lost a parent or friend at a young age, struggled with different types of abuse, come from a completely different national origin than you, the list is literally endless but I think you get my point.

You really can never know what goes on in someone’s head or what they may have dealt with simply just going by age or appearances.



This is just a simple thought I’ve always had in my life since I was very young and have often discussed with others. It is in no way intended to be taken all that seriously. I feel it is simply an interesting concept that can vary greatly in the opinions others may share.

I mean even think about in the distant past how short lifespans were and how different things could be as far as when people would achieve various “life milestones.” Age is as relevant as time itself. It honestly is all more just a matter of perception and how you choose to view things.

So, next time you may make a snap judgement about a person whether they be younger or older than you, maybe just take a second to really think about that before you do!

Thank you so much for Reading!


“DSC06567”by Poisoned_Pics_Photography is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

“Ageing”by paulbence is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0

I will honestly never understand how People can say they are Bored…?

I mean this with absolutely no disrespect to anyone who may find themselves bored or often say this!

After all, I would say it seems to be more common than not from what I’ve seen or gathered from personal experience.

I just honestly will never be able to comprehend it?

Like if you find yourself bored then why don’t you just do something?

Maybe, something you’ve never tried before!

Or you could simply read up on a random topic you’ve never explored!

The possibilities to me seem literally endless.

I would say, maybe, I do tend to have more interests, I suppose, than your average person may have?

But still…

Also, I’m not like super into astrology and all that. However, I do find it to be quite a fun and entertaining topic to divulge yourself in from time to time.

I, myself, am a Sagittarius.

Interesting Fun Fact!

Almost everything I’ve ever read or heard relating to my zodiac sign describes me almost practically to the letter! Once again, obviously you need to take all astrology related things with a grain of salt.

(I’ve even read that in all reality, something along the lines of, that zodiac signs are currently not accurate considering they were originally based on the position of the sun relative to constellations. These were all set over 2,000 years ago meaning they aren’t “technically” accurate anymore. )

(Let’s stay on topic for now though! Shall we?)

My point in all that being simply one of the traits in being a Sagittarius is an inability to become bored. Which apparently seems to be universally true, for the most part, which is interesting.

If anything, my daily struggle is more about deciding how I want to spend my time?

Usually, I’m just along for the ride!

I’ll jump between activities and/or topics in the blink of an eye some days.

It’s as if I never feel I ever have enough time to do everything I want or need to do!

Just the endless game of life I suppose!

Being this way does come with it’s ups and downs like anything else.

I’d like to think it’s primarily a good thing?

Certainly, seems better than being bored!

Anyways, just some random late night thoughts from one random girl’s head. I meant nothing profound or the like by any means with this post.

Just sounded like a fun thing to do at nearly 6 in the morning!

If you have any input on boredom, whether it be your own or just in general!

Let me know in the comments because I’d genuinely love to hear other’s opinions!

As always, thank you for reading!

Till, next time!

“”by half alive – soo zzzz is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

“chessboard”by Leonard J Matthews is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0