This week’s random song is one I can’t say I really am personally able to relate to. I just find it overall to be extremely powerful and honest!
I was only introduced to the band “Two Gallants” a few years ago and honestly don’t understand how it took me so long to discover them!
This particular piece was released in 2007 just for reference on how long they have been around. The second I began to listen to their music I completely fell in love with them both lyrically and instrumentally!
I feel like they have a very particular sound and presence that is by no means entirely original while still having something undeniably special they bring to the table at the same time.
Like I said, I can’t personally relate to this song on a number of levels myself but I have a very close friend who often refers to it as one of her “anthems” perfectly describing her in many ways.
Having explained this once again, I’m just going to let this one speak for itself!
I highly recommend you check out their other work if you find yourself even mildly enjoying this one because they have many amazing others. I feel the majority are extremely unique in the same sense that I described this one.
I present to you…
Two Gallants: Despite What You’ve Been Told
Well, I guess by the blood stain of your lips And the wander of your fingertips I should prove true to my emptiness And stay here
Well, I’m just a kid of ill repute But the skin I wear is my only suit And you, you’re just a substitute For the one that I hold dear
You know, you could be anyone God forgive my tasteless tongue I never should have been set free
I claw my eyes, I skin my face Beg somehow to be replaced That’s how we deal with boys like me
Well, I guess for this world so sick with loss And your service is so free of cost I should climb down off my rugged cross And lay with you
But you know, by now it’s half past late And I only came here for escape You you’re just my next mistake Like me to you
You know, you could be anyone God forgive your unborn sons I hope they don’t end up like me
I drag my mind through streets of shame Lay myself forgive the game That’s how we deal with boys like me
But despite what you’ve been told I once had a soul Left somewhere behind A former friend of mine
And I hate to speak so free But you mean nothing to me So if the street lights they shine bright I’ll get home tonight
I guess by the dim light in your eyes And that to you all things come as a surprise I should set the steel trap of your thighs And dive right in
But to you I’m just a confused child Insecure or in denial Go raise your robes, go have your trial I’ll let you win
You know, I could be anyone God forgive what I should’ve done A thoughts enough to guilty be
Yes, I guess I made this bed But I’ll take the sidewalk instead That’s how we deal with boys like me
But despite what you’ve been told I once had a soul Left somewhere behind A former friend of mine
And I hate to sound so true But I mean nothing to you So, if the street lights they shine bright I’ll be home tonight
I honestly had no intentions of making this post by any means up until a few hours ago. I currently keep a notebook where I list my various topic ideas for the future and I suppose this will somewhat include some of those concepts as well as others I’ve mentioned in the past. A great deal was honestly inspired reading posts from a fellow blogger which made me realize that I had been thinking about this more so than I had even fully acknowledged recently.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am truly so in love with the world of blogging in terms of being able to share ideas and thoughts with others. Blogging is more a personal autobiographical diary for me above all else really. If anyone appreciates or takes anything from it, that is all really just a plus to me.
Stay on topic, Cailin!
This all really goes hand in hand with what has even had all this on my mind recently though. Anyone who may have read my introductory post would have seen that I came across WordPress completely by accident while filling out a job application. I created one myself primarily at first just to get a feel for the site if I did manage to get the position I applied for. (I did not if you’re curious.)
Blogging and writing has always been appealing to me and something I was interested in trying but never pursued for whatever reason.
(I feel like I’m making this more about blogging which was not my intention…)
My overall point in all this rambling I suppose is that I’m a big believer in that everything happens for a reason for the most part. I’ve also found that this is a great outlet for me to occasionally organize the endless flow of thoughts that constantly occur within my head.
Jumping back to me pursuing other means of employment recently is what primarily put the current topic of discussion back into my mind. One I have always often come back to over the years for a number of reasons.
What I do for a job/career has honestly never been that important to me. I honestly have a ton of respect for anyone who truly knows what they want for themselves in this regard in many ways! When I was younger I always just wanted to help people until I realized that this could never be achieved for me in the way I wanted it to be. (I’ve mentioned this more in depth in previous posts so I won’t continue to ramble any further on unrelated things.)
My primary reason for bringing this up is with my current change in circumstances over the past few months I feel like once again I find myself bombarded by others who feel I don’t apply myself and/or waste my potential. I was completely content and happy with my old profession as well as past and future endeavors. As stated above this has never been important to me.
In all honestly, what anyone does for a living isn’t really of any interest to me for the most part. I care far more about who you are as a person and in life than your status or how much money you may make. You could make a million dollars a year and I could care less if you aren’t a good person. Granted some are able to combine helping others and/or including their passions within their professions but for most, sadly, this is not a realistic luxury. I feel this applies more nowadays than ever before.
I have never been a materialistic person in any sense whether it be what I wear, drive, own, or where I live. None of this has ever meant anything to me, nor does it matter to me in terms of anyone else’s life. If I ever do find myself overly wealthy for some reason I would probably still drive a “beater” vehicle and live in a smaller home with rather “bohemian” decor, ha ha!
I’ve never understood anyone who desires status and/or wealth feeling that this will somehow make them happy or have this need to prove anything to anyone else.
As long as I am surrounded by good people that I love, being a good person, helping others whenever I can expecting nothing in return, all while truly believing I am doing my best than what more could I ask for?
I really meant the entire theme of this post involving “satisfaction” in the generalist terms I possibly could!
I mean it also in the ways I just stated above including never expecting anything from anyone when I’m nice to them or help them. I feel like many do this for the sense of satisfaction or achievement which I will never understand as well.
I feel others even with some things can almost force a sense of satisfaction out of wanting to prove something and/or other exceptions of society in a completely different way. For example, the way that some may be obsessed with taking photos of themselves, others, places, or experiences just to prove they have/did them? (If that makes any sense at all…) I feel this reigns true more now than ever with “social media” being so important to many.
As also just mentioned above, I truly feel I have always lived and tried my absolute hardest in all aspects of life regardless of what anyone else may think about me. If I was to die tomorrow for whatever reason I would do so knowing that I was content and happy with myself all around until this point. I’ve had a great life so far honestly with many different types of experiences and people with hopefully much more still to come that I can’t even imagine.
I feel that many seem to limit their own personal satisfaction by things that other people or society put in place for them. They think they need an established career, to get married, purchase a house, have children, etc. and while all these things are well and good allowing many to feel a sense of satisfaction. You should by no means feel this is the only path to take or the only things that matter.
(I’d like to point out I have previously accomplished all of the aforementioned in the past for the record! None of this when all was said and done made me particularly happy for a number of reasons, with the only exception being my children.)
I guess I should wrap up this rambling once again with my initial question in the title of this post!
Where does your satisfaction come from?
What does this word even really mean?
I honestly couldn’t be more intrigued to potentially hear others thoughts on this subject!
As stated above, however, this is more just me needing to work out the thoughts in my own mind. About how others have recently made me reflect and think about my own actions and achievements. I know I can honestly say without a doubt that I am happy and down right proud of myself and how I’ve lived my life so far.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it and I never will!
Neither should you!
Whatever makes you happy and leaves you feeling satisfied with your life than keep doing it!
What else is life about?
Thank you so much for Reading!
(Jeez…I had a feeling that was going to be a long one no matter how hard I tried but come on girl…I really am the ramble on queen whether in real life or in writing even when I try my best, ha ha!)
One thing I can not stand almost more than anything else is fake people! Something about this type of person, at least for me personally, is always so easy to pick up on and identify right off the bat. I couldn’t pin point exactly what it is about them that makes it so obvious per se. I feel it primarily has to just be mainly you can tend to tell when a person is trying to hard I suppose? I would imagine this has to become quite exhausting on occasion.
I’ve made it a habit since I was very young to only surround myself with genuine people whenever I was able to make the choice on who I spent my time with. I can’t think of many close friends I’ve ever had in my life that didn’t fit this qualification.
I understand fully that in some circumstances in can sometimes be necessary to put up some type of front or “wear a mask” as they say. Depending on the type of work environment you may find yourself in for example. I know I have personally worked many jobs that required a healthy amount of customer service. This sure does not mean that I keep up this level of presentation with my coworkers or even all customers however. I know a good majority of us can often hold back when first meeting someone whether it be a new potential friend or family member. This is completely normal as well! I’m talking mainly in the sense of once these relationships have been established for a reasonable amount of time.
I know for myself that any ability I ever had to hide anything of myself from anyone has all but completely faded since I started hormones and began transitioning.
(See, we are getting into why this is more of a trans-topic post now!)
I’m not entirely sure if this is more based on the mental changes I have undergone, just being tired of holding back my full “true self” for so long, or the latter.
I can say from my own experience and interactions with other transgender individuals that you will rarely encounter one of us that isn’t completely a genuine person! This applies more so once you get farther into your transition I feel for the most part but this is by no means always the case!
A piece of advice I’d like to give to those who may be just beginning to transition (or really anyone for that matter) is letting yourself fully find out who you are. I mean this more in the sense as to never feel the need to limit yourself by expectations!
Never let anyone or anything make you feel that you have to be anything that you’re not!
What I mean by this mainly to give an example, I tended to feel like early on in my own transition that some expected me to like overly change somehow in the sense that I would be stereo-typically more “girly” or something along these lines.
Do not get me wrong!
I am plenty “girly” in a number of different ways, ha ha!
However, I would say I am far from being dominantly so!
I am beyond “tom-boyish” in plenty of ways as well!
Once again though, what is all this honestly based on in the first place except for certain expectations put in place by our society?
What exactly is it that make such things absolutely have to be more preferred or “normal” by one gender over the other?
Why can’t people just be people?
I suppose this can sound a bit odd from someone who felt so strongly about their gender identity that they felt the need to change certain aspects of herself to feel more comfortable but I would hope you understand my point here, ha ha!
Back to just talking more in a general sense!
I feel like a common area this can apply for anyone is often being embarrassed or ashamed of your interests.
Whether they may be considered nerdy/geeky (whatever the heck this even means once again!) or anything in general for whatever reason a friend/family member of yours doesn’t approve of.
First and foremost!
Learn to stop caring at all what people think about you in any sense of the word!
I realize that this can be much easier said than done depending on the situation but does it really need to be?
Own whatever it is that you enjoy and makes you yourself!
And love yourself for it!
We are all incredibly unique people and this is what makes us all fantastically amazing!
No one else in this world no matter what will ever be exactly who you are!
Remember this!
Not only have I personally embraced my gender identity over the past five or so years but this process has also made me learn to be myself completely and fully! (Whether I want to be or not for the most part as stated above, ha ha!) I have all but ceased trying to hide my “weird” and often “crazy” self from anyone no matter who you are! Random stranger on street, my friends, my family, anyone!
I know I already stated this above but once again learn to love yourself for what makes you special!
I can almost guarantee that if you own whatever makes you uniquely yourself that you will become a ton happier than you have ever been in your life!
(As I often like to include in various posts! Always keeping in mind as long as this never involves harming anyone or causing anyone any kind of pain! If you do feel like this then please do yourself a favor and seek some type of help, ha ha!)
If you don’t love yourself for whatever reason right now, take comfort in the fact that even though I might not know you, I love you!
I mean this sincerely!
I tend to be cursed with this ability to always see the good in people and find something I like about you even with the aforementioned “faker” types. I’m sure you have your reasons for acting the way you do!
(I don’t think this is technically an “ode” but it just sounded right at the moment so bear with me on that!)
My Dad’s birthday falls only slightly before Father’s Day which has always made me feel bad for him, in the sense that many others whose births may have taken place very close to certain holidays I’m sure can relate to.
(Only getting one gift and all that jazz half the time…)
Finding myself in a struggling state financially right now I have since decided to make his present this year something he has been asking me or my sister now for YEARS!
Almost, every time I see him anymore (or talk to my sister about similar circumstances) he will literally beg for one us to write a book about his life.
This is a typical thing I would say many nearing ever closer to “old age” begin to think about. The whole wanting to be remembered and all that which I totally understand!
While, I can’t say I will, most likely, ever write a full blown book on my father, I probably could because he really has had a fairly interesting life so far.
You could almost say he is literally the definition of the ol’ “truth can be stranger than fiction” saying!
My dad is a simple man in many ways.
He’s always worked his butt of as a union dock builder claiming to love it for the adrenaline rush! He has since retired only a little over a year ago or so. Recently, he seems to even be researching various ways to ease this itch!
The most recent I was personally witness to, was him wanting to try to enter a demolition derby! If you didn’t guess, he is also a huge fan of Nascar which even though I will occasionally watch with him….
I can’t stand at all!
Half the time I honestly just end up making fun of it! (No offense to any fans!)
He enjoys things like fishing and other various activities of that nature. Pretty much my point in giving this basic rundown is simply….
WE LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON!
Essentially…
What we do share in common is the fact that we are extremely nice people who will usually do anything we can to help people!
(Granted…I do feel I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older that he may occasionally do this just for the gratitude and appreciation….but that’s neither here nor there!)
My dad is the type of man who will pull over to the side of the road whenever he sees anyone in trouble no matter who they may be!
He really will honestly do anything for anyone to the point you could almost say he is taken advantage of sometimes.
Crazy times include for example, literallyclimbing into a building that was on fire to save an old man and carry him down to safety….
Yea…he’s freakin’ nuts…
(Not always in good ways I assure you…he’s not known in his town as “The Crazy Irish Leprechaun” for nothing!)
When all is said and done though I would never wish for another father ever and I love him more than life!
He probably sometimes doubts this but I would hope, at least, recently that he has finally been realizing how much this is true.
I’ve gained so much of my random knowledge and experiences from my father that I probably don’t even realize sometimes where I pull random things from is, more often than not, something I learned from him.
I feel like we are still, in a lot of ways, slightly weird since I transitioned because I know he’s not entirely comfortable with it but he has still always been there for me whenever I need it the most!
I honestly could go on and on but I’m going to wrap it up here, at least for now.
I love you, Dad!
Happy Father’s Day to all you amazing Father’s out there!
We know you put up with a lot from us sometimes, just know how much we truly appreciate it!
(Unless, you have a terrible child and then my condolences….You’re still awesome to me!)
Random Thoughts and Info brought to you by Cailin Conroy! 