Just Wanted to Let You All Know I’m Still Here… (Also, I was Fired for the First Time in my Life…)

I can’t believe it’s been an entire month since I apologized for not being able to post after losing power for those few days weeks ago…

To say the least, that was the beginning of me entering one of my lovely “bad things tend to happen in threes” scenarios.

I find this quite funny considering one of the posts I had been working on at this time was on karma and how relevant it tends to be to my life in this respect. I will most likely edit said topic shortly after this and post it soon. Even though it seems odd to work on something I wrote over a month ago so we’ll see how that goes. It may not reflect my current feelings and circumstances which just wouldn’t feel right…

I sadly currently find myself in a very low place which occurs more often than I’d like in the course of my life. I found that when I first began to blog that it was very useful in helping me in this respect. Not only in organizing my own thoughts but also to help give me a task that I enjoyed doing. It doesn’t even necessarily feel right to post in a state of mind when I am not all that positive since this is what I always hope to inspire and convey. I am all about being real as well though which I guess is bound to coincide with this at times. I’m struggling very much right now to find anything that can hold my attention or give me even a moment of relief.

Gotta love depression!

It actually feels wrong to call this depression since actual clinical depression is typically brought on by nothing at all (which I’m no stranger to as well!) and this time I certainly have circumstances that have triggered my current feelings. (Or lack there of I should say…it’s sad how I still tend to revert to my “pre-transition” defense mechanism at times.)

I’m truly trying my best to not let my anxiety consume me as it has so many times before in the past.

To make a long story short, once my power was finally restored I came back to find my internet had been shut off which left me unable to post and I was only able to afford to restore it a few days ago. I live all by myself and just basic necessities are hard for me to maintain even when I do make decent money.

I briefly mentioned once I believe in my post on “satisfaction” that my job circumstances had recently changed for various reasons leading me to make a significant amount less than I was before so.

I had become completely content with this change in career because I thoroughly enjoyed the change of work experience and was really good at it if I do say so myself! My friend was my manager, with me being one of his assistant managers. I was happy and finally starting to feel better but with most good things in life this sadly came to an end sooner rather than later…

A number of “drama packed” incidents occurred within my company as they seem to do more often than not over my past two years with them which ended with my friend/boss quitting. This left my store in quite a disarray.

Two weeks later….for the first time in my life…

I was FIRED!

I was asked to leave one night with absolutely no reasoning by the person who was chosen to replace my boss. At first, he wouldn’t even give me a reason as I stated, just abruptly told me to clock out and leave for the night. Eventually, coming outside to speak to me informing me he heard rumors me and a fellow manager were planning a “mutiny.” Yes, he literally used this word…

The other girl and I were utterly shocked by this statement to say the least and couldn’t believe we were being dismissed for nothing but “locker room rumors” considering we were practically running the day to day operations entirely by ourselves. It ended with him saying we could both return to work the following day. The next morning, however, I woke up to a voicemail saying once again that I was no longer needed and that was that.

This was only last week…

I honestly wasn’t sure if I had planned to return regardless after such events having never experienced such disrespect and lack of trust in a workplace.

I’m still taking it quite hard because not only have I been told by every manager I’ve ever previously had within this company that I’m one of the “best workers they have ever had” but also for it to all to be so personal and really still without proper reasoning for my dismissal.

Others and myself have come to realize the whole situation may have had to do with me being trans, with it all just being an excuse to get rid of me which is something I’ve yet to deal with in a work place scenario. Perhaps why I didn’t even consider it at first.

This was a situation in which this middle-aged gentlemen used to treat me entirely different before he found out about me. He had actually worked below me at the time before his advancement and was no stranger to the occasional comment or more straightforward attempt to “hit on me.” After he was told, even though my interactions with him had changed, I never thought he would let it affect our professional relationship. Especially when I did so much for him after he took over.

At this point, it’s all neither here nor there I suppose…

I really only planned to make this a very quick entry stating that I was still around and hoping to become more active again.

I think I’m going to mix it up and just start to post whenever the time strikes me and feels right. Not to say that I ever forced anything in the past. I may revert back to a more solid schedule in the future. For now, however, I think this is the best plan until my life becomes a touch more stable again.

I know I have at least four or so drafts to edit and hopefully post in the near future I had previously already written, but I may just end up scrapping them at this point…

We’ll see!

Writing anew would probably be for the best right now in my current state anyway!

I’m sure I’ll push through like I always do!

Hope you all are doing well!

(I feel like I’m already going to regret this absolute drivel…at least I posted again at all.)

“Birds…”by nightshiftboy is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Just a Quick Apology for Not Posting this Week! (I’ve Been Without Power…)

Hey, Everyone!

I’m sure not many of my followers at this point would even notice I’m not keeping to my regular posting schedule. I still wanted to apologize none the less!

Most of my state has been without power for the past few days after a huge storm the other day. I would say at least half, if not more, of the area has been without power. Some have been lucky to have it fixed at this point but many are still expected to have to wait a number of days.

Depending on how things go I may still post a topic or two later in the week but for now we will have to see.

Rest assured, I have not gone anywhere and don’t plan to anytime soon!

Thank you all!

Look forward to regular posts again in the near future!

Talking to Yourself! A Fine Line Between Genius and Insanity!

I feel like most of the random topics I have written down and plan to discuss in the future for the most part are mildly serious.

A good majority of my random posts recently seem to have been this way so I thought I’d mix it up first with one just a touch more playful and lighthearted?

As I’m sure many of you would assume, as one would most likely not write on such a topic if they did not do this themselves…

I have always been beyond a person who talks to myself whether I am alone or with others!

I feel this has only become more commonplace as I grow older!

(Also, possibly from hormones as well…but I swear I did this already!)

I can honestly probably say in any given day I almost constantly talk to myself, even more so than I do with others sometimes…

You would think I would primarily just do this while at home or by myself like many people do on occasion but…

NO!

I practically do it 24/7 and it doesn’t matter where I am!

In a store, walking down the street, at work, everywhere!

I’ve really just learned to accept this and not care about the strange glances I often receive from others. I remember a few years back walking the streets of Philly literally telling myself I needed to stop…

This does not make you look any better I assure you! Ha ha!

So, as with most things about myself I have come to embrace it!

It helps me work out my own thoughts, focus on tasks, feel better about myself if I need to amp myself up once in awhile, plenty of things!

Apparently, more studies than you might think back up this information. I remember reading one about people having to remember certain items and being told to repeat them out loud while others did not. With those who did performing the task significantly better than those who did not! Many different kinds of these studies and information exist on this topic if you find yourself curious.

One of the most famous “geniuses” of all time, Albert Einstein, was overly infamous for noticeably talking to himself!

I’m not calling myself or anyone who talks out loud to themselves to be such a person but I do think that a basis for it assisting with many things is justified!

I remembering seeing once as well that this can be recommended to do for people who may suffer from panic attacks for another example. Simply just saying what you plan to do out loud or how your feeling at the moment is said to help greatly in such a situation.

I speak out loud when I write and review almost all of my posts, let alone other things. I tend to be able to write as fast as I would talk to someone in person which helps a great deal in such matters.

So, in conclusion it helps people to focus better, work out thoughts and feelings, feel better about themselves, and just overall appears to bring about nothing but positive things.

I think more people do this than they may be willing to show and express in front of others in some circumstances from my experience discussing this with others.

I say embrace it wherever you are as long as it helps you with whatever you might be doing at any given time!

As always…

Try your best to forget what people think about you!

You’re probably way cooler and a more well adjusted person than they could ever hope to be anyways!

Thank you so much for Reading!

“paving space”by vaXzine is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

“& teach yourself to learn.”by Stephen O is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0