Trans-Topic Thursdays! Being Transgendered is in NO WAY a Choice!

Had a hard time finding a picture I liked for this topic, then I saw this berry and it just seemed almost perfect for what I wanted to express!

I often read or even come across others in my own life that still seem to think that being transgendered is somehow a choice…?

Trust me when I say, it is in no way a choice!

Sure, if you think someone would choose to be something that affects almost every aspect of their life!

More often than not since you were a small child!

That constantly makes you feel uncomfortable and anxious!

Leaving you struggling searching to find something that makes you feel even a little better!

Maybe, you find transitioning (or not transitioning) could be the only hope you have to find some type of relief from what you’ve always dealt with!

Yet, also this means being persecuted by a large amount of the population just for trying to be yourself!

When half the time you hate yourself plenty all on your own!

Then, who wouldn’t want to sign up for this as their life, right?!?!

Please, trust me when I say that being transgendered is in No Way a Choice!

It may sound extreme but for many of us it truly is a choice between life and death. We would rather not live anymore, or finally try to live our lives as who we have always truly been and hope for the best!

Let me stress a point here!

We are nothing but normal everyday people just trying to live our lives for the most part. We truly mean you no harm! I don’t understand the viewpoint that exists at all some seem to have that we are in anyway deviants of any kind?

Let’s stay on topic though for now, shall we?

Honestly, for any of you who may have ever taken a look at my “behemoth” of a post about “coming out” would know how much I tried to suppress being trans until it completely consumed me. For as large as that post may be, it only details very small parts of what I dealt with throughout my life.

I remember being in kindergarten and my class having a “Hawaiian Day” or something along those lines at school. I wore like a fake grass skirt home we had all made in class just because I liked it. This was innocent, I didn’t think anything of it really? When I got off the bus I remember my friend’s father calling me a “faggot” and telling me to take it off. This must have hurt me enough at the time to still make me remember it to this day.

Watching home videos and stuff now with my family, they often joke with me sometimes about how you can tell I was way more interested in my sister’s toys. I know at least one of them involved a ring from a “Pretty, Pretty Princess” game. (I’m far from a “princess” for the record, ha ha!)

Often when I was younger people would often mistake me for a girl. This would make me as equally happy as it would make me upset.

Then, you hit your teens and forget about it!

You are freaking out about everything!

It’s all just wrong and it kills you!

This can often lead to you experiencing depression for most of your teens, often following you into adult hood. You can try to find various ways to deny these feelings. Shut yourself down emotionally, alcohol, drugs, hobbies, various other distractions and vices but…

IT NEVER GOES AWAY!

And it never will go away!

No matter how you end up dealing with being transgender this is something you just end up needing to accept eventually or you will probably be miserable your entire life.

For many this path leads to transitioning like myself but others find plenty of other ways in some cases that allow them to find peace with themselves.

To each their own!

I’ve said before, gender is a spectrum and you can take all the time you need to find where your place on it lies!

That seems like as good a closing line as any!

Learn to love yourselves everyone!

No matter who are you!

Thank you so much for Reading!

“IMG_1408”by CoryDeanSmith.com is licensed under CC BY 2.0

“Not caring what other people think is the best choice you will ever make.”by deeplifequotes is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Media Mondays! MMORPGs! They have Saved my Life more than Once!

Never actually played this game but it looks awesome!

I know the title of this post may sound slightly extreme but in a lot of ways it’s honestly not that far off from the truth.

For those of you who may not be all that into the world of gaming, MMORPG stands for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game and is exactly as it sounds!

Games that you can play with many others online (across the entire world usually nowadays) which can vary in setting and game-play but typically are more fantasy based but not limited to this particular genre.

They mostly involve designing a character, picking a class, leveling up, taking quests, events, and plenty of other activities revolved around this basic concept primarily.

With all types of games and genres there will typically always be a sense of community in which you can share your interest with others who enjoy it as well!

In MMORPGs, however, community is almost the most important aspect that can make or break a particular game!

Meeting other players in game, helping each other complete the aforementioned quests, partying up, and maybe even forming or joining a guild (a group of many players) stands at the forefront as one of the most defining features of the genre!

These types of games can involve some type of story line (if any at all) but even when they do, more often than not, it’s usually not even worth paying attention to or you slowly begin to lose interest in it over time. I can only think of a very slim number of games in which this was an exception at least for me personally.

While, the graphics, classes, abilities, combat styles, etc. all influence whether I will usually even try a new potential game, what always make me stay is the friends I make in the process!

YES, FRIENDS!

I know this might sound like a crazy concept to call people you meet online actual friends, whether it be in a game or not, but I feel like especially in this day and age how can this not be the case?

Some friends I’ve made from games I’ve played over the years that I have long since stopped playing I still regularly communicate with through various means and have made life lasting bonds in some cases! I mean you talk to, interact with, have fun with doing various activities while playing the game itself or just being social.

What makes this any different than what you would do with friends “in real life?”

I’ve had real conversations and experiences with people that have helped me get through some of the hardest times of my life, as well as me doing the same for them!

This above all else, as stated above, is the main reason I have always continued to play at least one of these types of games almost my entire life since my early teens!

I feel even more so for myself that this was such a great experience for me was because I was transgendered. It was always a place that I could fully be myself and that was always an amazing escape from my “regular life.” It honestly even helped me once I started to transition because it helped me “readjust” to myself socially in a sense?

Granted, this is not at all something that needs to be limited to my specific circumstances! I feel it can be just as beneficial for others who may not have many friends or feel like an outcast for example, to be able to gain an opportunity to make real connections with others.

I know plenty may not feel these can qualify as “real connections” but I ask once again, why is this any different than any other type of relationship?

In a sense, how many other activities can allow you to interact with so many different types of people from all across the globe simultaneously?

It truly is nothing short of amazing to me in so many ways!

As I often tend to do with my posts, I bring this particular interest of mine to attention not just strictly to express my love for it, but also to potentially open up the idea for someone else to try it if they may have never done so before!

Gaming in general has made many strides in all levels of society over the years and I’m so happy that it has because it’s an amazing unique hobby to have in my opinion!

Thank you so much for Reading!

Till next time!

“Black Desert Online Gets Ancient Kutum World Boss”by BagoGames is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Ode to my Father! (Birthday/Father’s Day Present!)

(I don’t think this is technically an “ode” but it just sounded right at the moment so bear with me on that!)

My Dad’s birthday falls only slightly before Father’s Day which has always made me feel bad for him, in the sense that many others whose births may have taken place very close to certain holidays I’m sure can relate to.

(Only getting one gift and all that jazz half the time…)

Finding myself in a struggling state financially right now I have since decided to make his present this year something he has been asking me or my sister now for YEARS!

Almost, every time I see him anymore (or talk to my sister about similar circumstances) he will literally beg for one us to write a book about his life.

This is a typical thing I would say many nearing ever closer to “old age” begin to think about. The whole wanting to be remembered and all that which I totally understand!

While, I can’t say I will, most likely, ever write a full blown book on my father, I probably could because he really has had a fairly interesting life so far.

You could almost say he is literally the definition of the ol’ “truth can be stranger than fiction” saying!

My dad is a simple man in many ways.

He’s always worked his butt of as a union dock builder claiming to love it for the adrenaline rush! He has since retired only a little over a year ago or so. Recently, he seems to even be researching various ways to ease this itch!

The most recent I was personally witness to, was him wanting to try to enter a demolition derby! If you didn’t guess, he is also a huge fan of Nascar which even though I will occasionally watch with him….

I can’t stand at all!

Half the time I honestly just end up making fun of it! (No offense to any fans!)

He enjoys things like fishing and other various activities of that nature. Pretty much my point in giving this basic rundown is simply….

WE LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON!

Essentially…

What we do share in common is the fact that we are extremely nice people who will usually do anything we can to help people!

(Granted…I do feel I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older that he may occasionally do this just for the gratitude and appreciation….but that’s neither here nor there!)

My dad is the type of man who will pull over to the side of the road whenever he sees anyone in trouble no matter who they may be!

He really will honestly do anything for anyone to the point you could almost say he is taken advantage of sometimes.

Crazy times include for example, literally climbing into a building that was on fire to save an old man and carry him down to safety….

Yea…he’s freakin’ nuts…

(Not always in good ways I assure you…he’s not known in his town as “The Crazy Irish Leprechaun” for nothing!)

When all is said and done though I would never wish for another father ever and I love him more than life!

He probably sometimes doubts this but I would hope, at least, recently that he has finally been realizing how much this is true.

I’ve gained so much of my random knowledge and experiences from my father that I probably don’t even realize sometimes where I pull random things from is, more often than not, something I learned from him.

I feel like we are still, in a lot of ways, slightly weird since I transitioned because I know he’s not entirely comfortable with it but he has still always been there for me whenever I need it the most!

I honestly could go on and on but I’m going to wrap it up here, at least for now.

I love you, Dad!

Happy Father’s Day to all you amazing Father’s out there!

We know you put up with a lot from us sometimes, just know how much we truly appreciate it!

(Unless, you have a terrible child and then my condolences….You’re still awesome to me!)

Thank you so much for Reading!

“Lighthouse 1”by tijmz is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Trans-Topic Thursdays! Mental Changes from Hormones! (Almost more Prevalent than Physical Changes in my Opinion!)

I know that this topic is not one that is insanely unspoken about by any means! I do feel that in some ways it is almost put on the back-burner in a sense more often than not for some. I felt the need to write it more for those who may view or think being transgendered/transitioning is all more about the “physical aspect” of things than anything else.

Whether you be trans yourself or maybe just curious! I hope you enjoy!

Anyone who has read any of my previous posts will know that I have been on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for roughly five years now. Words can honestly not even begin to describe the roller-coaster something like this entails! I truly don’t think it will ever be something one can fully relate to unless you are transgendered yourself and choose to pursue hormone therapy.

I like to refer to the first, give or take, two years I was on hormones to be the “puberty phase.” During this time you are experiencing more emotions, thoughts, and feelings than you can hardly stand half the time typically leaving you overwhelmed in a multitude of ways for various reasons.

Not only are you literally fully replacing all the hormones in your body, which effect more aspects of every sense of our lives more so than some probably may realize or think about all too often. You are also dealing with who knows what the heck else. You are most likely horribly depressed, anxious, you may not have support, etc…

I was lucky in the sense to have amazing support almost all around but I had plenty of others unique circumstances I was dealing with as well. I can easily say that this whole period of time was the most depressing period and hardest times I’ve ever went through in my life. (Which is saying something I assure you!)

I spent probably my first three months on hormones sleeping almost all day, everyday, not only from depression but the effects of the changes I was experiencing from such at abrupt change to my system. For most of these first two years I was irritable, upset, exhausted, barely ate half the time, I barely functioned in general…

Then, miraculously one day (which literally feels like it comes out of absolutely nowhere!) I realized two things…

I’m kind of starting to feel a ton better and more stable?

Actually….I feel like a totally different person!

THIS IS INSANE! HOW AND WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?

I swear you will always read or see about this aspect of transitioning and taking hormones often discussed by others but it’s unimaginable until you truly experience it for yourself.

Don’t get me wrong! I am still 100% myself in so many ways!

It’s almost more as if who I’ve always been is just like enhanced? (For lack of a better word or ability to explain…)

I feel another potentially huge factor in all this is also how, more often than not, trans people will suppress who they really are in a lot of ways. I mention in my coming out post about how I used to mainly just let myself be emotionless almost, unintentionally, so I didn’t have to deal with how I really felt.

I can assure you now that I feel more emotions and cycle through more thoughts in a single day than I can even handle some days! Ha ha!

I feel in some ways like I was only born about 3 years ago and honestly never feel like the person I was before was ever me.

(I often think about how funny it would be if we could somehow meet. I think it would be HILARIOUS!)

When you first begin HRT I think a lot of the initial effects come more from relief of finally starting steps to help yourself and may in some ways even be a type of “placebo effect.”

Let me assure you, however!

Things are going to change one day in ways you can’t even comprehend out of nowhere and it will be amazing!

Be patient! As always, with all aspects of transitioning YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY!

Transitioning is by no means a race! Unless growing as a person every single day like we all should in life should be rushed… (Sarcasm!)

While, I still struggle in plenty of ways, as we all do, whether it be “normal problems” or transgendered related things, I have never felt better about myself as a person all around and continue to get happier and more comfortable every single day!

I do intend to make a post in the future pertaining to more specific examples and experiences that these changes have entailed but for now I think this will do just fine!

I hope this has been mildly entertaining and/or informative!

Thank you so much Reading!

Till, next time!

“Keeping in Touch”by MadalynChristine is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Where did all the Good People go…?

While laying in my bed at 7 in the morning here on what is now Saturday, I find myself unable to stop thinking about a topic I find myself often coming back to.

One I’m sure many of us often ponder!

I feel, more and more nowadays, that you continue to keep seeing and hearing people talk about slowly losing what little “faith in humanity” they may have left.

I find myself, more often than not, agreeing with this line of thinking no matter how depressing it may be!

However, no matter how much I do occasionally feel this way I still never seem to be able to lose my sense of “hope” whether I want to or not. I always tend to see the good in people when others may not be able to. (Unless they may have done something “absolutely unforgivable” which honestly is only a few things that are mostly universally acknowledged to be terrible. As such, I won’t begin to list them off at this time.)

I’m not one to “toot my own horn” as they say, but throughout most of my life I have always had people, both personally and professionally, tell me that I’m “one of the nicest people they have ever met!”

Honestly, I’ve never understood this…

What makes me that much different from the vast majority that allows people to pick up on this about me when I don’t feel I do anything special at all…

Is it because I always treat everyone the same no matter what?

Or that I genuinely care about everyone that I meet no matter how big or small the interaction may be?

I truly don’t understand it most the time, and as much as it is nice to hear it also makes me just as sad…

For so many people to say this when I do nothing phenomenal is just upsetting I guess?

I feel like most of the stuff you learn when your in say, kindergarten are honestly the best words you can ever live by!

“Treat others how you want to be treated!”

“If you have nothing nice to say, it may be better to say nothing at all.”

You know? Simple phrases and sayings along these lines.

It all sounds so simple to me and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for some to be like this?

Sure, I understand that human nature can be a very hard thing to overcome sometimes. The norm, more often that not, in our society is one of selfishness sadly…

I can’t blame anyone for this!

I understand but when such simple words and actions for all you know could make all the difference in a person’s day then why not simply do that…?

It baffles me most of the time to say the least!

In my younger days, I used to be one of those people who would rant and rave about how they were gonna CHANGE THE WORLD AND MAKE IT BETTER PLACE!

I still do feel this way for the most part but I am, however, significantly less passionate about it then I once was.

This kills me some days!

Indifference of good people being one of the greatest evils and all that jazz being another very well known popular phrase!

Growing older just, sadly, has a way of crushing your hopes and dreams when you are constantly just bombarded by the realities of life I suppose?

I’ve come to accept, for the most part, that the change I’ve always wanted to see in the world is “idealistic.” Most likely, it will never happen until like some great disaster or tragedy causes all of humanity to come together, or something along those lines, in the best possible way!

With the current state of things, especially in recent years, whether this end up being brought on by natural means or otherwise could very well be in the near future for all I know. I just truly pray that if such an event does ever occur that humanity can truly come out triumphant.

I mentioned once briefly in a previous post about one of the reasons why I love blogging so much is because you get news and information right from the mouths of real people. I stopped following more traditional forms of these quite some time ago. It’s really the only way I’ve been able to mildly be able to function without constantly being depressed about the state of the world.

I’ll never be able to understand things like war, poverty, corporate greed, etc…

Once again, I know this is all very idealistic but I truly never will.

It baffles me when we are beyond capable of changing things that would allow everyone adequate resources and the basic necessities of life why we just don’t simply put this into action as a society?

Nowadays, I mainly just live by another very common phrase and/or philosophy, “Be the change you want to see in the World!“

If even one person is in someway affected and/or touched by a simple gesture or kind word that influences them to reflect and perhaps act as such more in their own lives then couldn’t this potentially trickle down until the whole world was affected?

I know this is not realistically possible but it’s a nice thought none the less.

Human nature will always still be what it is. At least, with the way our current society continues to function.

Anyways, just some late night/early morning thoughts from a girl who tends to struggle to sleep on a daily basis!

(The title for this post was slightly influenced by the genius musician and master poet Jack Johnson for any of my music loving followers out there! I really have to make a “Media Mondays” post on that man one day because just WOW! He truly is nothing short of amazing!)

Thank you so much for Reading!

Be good to each other people!

It’s not that hard of a concept!

“Searching waves”by maik_sv is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

I’m Officially in Love with Blogging and the Community!

In my very short time thus far being involved in blogging, I can firmly say without a doubt that I have already become utterly addicted and hopelessly in love! Not only with the blogging world but even more so with the COMMUNITY!

It has to be one of the most unique, amazing outlets for various creative purposes that I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of in my entire life!

I seriously don’t know why it took me so long to start my own when it was always something I found so fascinating.

I guess things just appear and develop when the time is right or something along those lines…?

Honestly, thou?

How many other places can you find such an amazing outlet for creativity that brings people from all walks of life together?

It truly is nothing short of astounding!

In my small time since beginning to write my own personal blog I have already had the pleasure of connecting and conversing with so many different amazing people. Whether it be about our philosophies on life or our similar but also varying interests.

It really is incredible!

I just wanted to take a moment to thank anyone that has already helped me to realize how amazing the blogging experience truly is!

All of you and anyone in the future who ever takes precious time from their lives to take the love, care, and devotion to make posts of any kind has my full true and honest respect!

I gave up following “traditional forms for news and/or media” years ago because, for the most part, it honestly would just make me upset or even sick with the world we live in sometimes. I suppose I also do have a slight issue with trust revolving around typical media forms as well but that’s neither here nor there.

This is a whole other reason entirely that reading what others have to say whether it be serious or for pleasure is so appealing to me.

I started this blog with nothing more in mind than to just have a little fun!

It’s also really cool in the sense that it’s almost like a journal or diary of types to keep track of your various thoughts or feeling at certain points in your life. Which I always think is an awesome thing to do or have whether it be through poetry, music, videos, or any of the other various creative forms that exist.

I wasn’t sure how entirely serious I had planned to be with my blog when I first began.

I can say now with almost absolute certainty that I will not be stopping anytime in the near future.

Thank you once again, all you lovely individuals!

Keep doing what you do!

Whatever that may be!

(Currently listening to Bill Withers as I write this based solely on what I have mentioned in this post if your curious!)

(Always loved him but it’s been awhile!)