Random Song Wednesday! Two Gallants: Despite What You’ve Been Told

This week’s random song is one I can’t say I really am personally able to relate to. I just find it overall to be extremely powerful and honest!

I was only introduced to the band “Two Gallants” a few years ago and honestly don’t understand how it took me so long to discover them!

This particular piece was released in 2007 just for reference on how long they have been around. The second I began to listen to their music I completely fell in love with them both lyrically and instrumentally!

I feel like they have a very particular sound and presence that is by no means entirely original while still having something undeniably special they bring to the table at the same time.

Like I said, I can’t personally relate to this song on a number of levels myself but I have a very close friend who often refers to it as one of her “anthems” perfectly describing her in many ways.

Having explained this once again, I’m just going to let this one speak for itself!

I highly recommend you check out their other work if you find yourself even mildly enjoying this one because they have many amazing others. I feel the majority are extremely unique in the same sense that I described this one.

I present to you…

Two Gallants: Despite What You’ve Been Told

Well, I guess by the blood stain of your lips
And the wander of your fingertips
I should prove true to my emptiness
And stay here

Well, I’m just a kid of ill repute
But the skin I wear is my only suit
And you, you’re just a substitute
For the one that I hold dear

You know, you could be anyone
God forgive my tasteless tongue
I never should have been set free

I claw my eyes, I skin my face
Beg somehow to be replaced
That’s how we deal with boys like me

Well, I guess for this world so sick with loss
And your service is so free of cost
I should climb down off my rugged cross
And lay with you

But you know, by now it’s half past late
And I only came here for escape
You you’re just my next mistake
Like me to you

You know, you could be anyone
God forgive your unborn sons
I hope they don’t end up like me

I drag my mind through streets of shame
Lay myself forgive the game
That’s how we deal with boys like me

But despite what you’ve been told
I once had a soul
Left somewhere behind
A former friend of mine

And I hate to speak so free
But you mean nothing to me
So if the street lights they shine bright
I’ll get home tonight

I guess by the dim light in your eyes
And that to you all things come as a surprise
I should set the steel trap of your thighs
And dive right in

But to you I’m just a confused child
Insecure or in denial
Go raise your robes, go have your trial
I’ll let you win

You know, I could be anyone
God forgive what I should’ve done
A thoughts enough to guilty be

Yes, I guess I made this bed
But I’ll take the sidewalk instead
That’s how we deal with boys like me

But despite what you’ve been told
I once had a soul
Left somewhere behind
A former friend of mine

And I hate to sound so true
But I mean nothing to you
So, if the street lights they shine bright
I’ll be home tonight

I hope you enjoyed it!

“Flight Brigade – Live”by phin_hall is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Media Mondays! My Experience Being in Bands/Supporting your Local Music Scene!

Any type of career or even mild interest in making it in any forms of entertainment has to be one of the most challenging and draining under takings that one can choose to devote their time to in my opinion.

It’s been almost 10 years, give or take, at this point since I was heavily involved with being in bands and taking part in live performances.

I have watched many of my friends and acquaintances dedicate their lives primarily to music throughout the years and even some that still do so to this day!

To make it in any form of entertainment you have to fully dedicate every last bit of yourself to fully committing to making it work! The second that you or one of your “partners” in such endeavors begin to lose interest or hope in such activities then you’ve already failed!

This can sound very harsh but 100% dedication for your particular passion has to constantly drive every second of your being or you may as well quit before you even begin to try.

This becomes even more complicated with trying to make something like a band work. Not only do you have to maintain this yourself but you also have to rely on the others in your particular group to keep up this mentality as well!

The many various factors that are involved in such a project are almost literally endless with how many different issues/concerns can arise!

Not only do you all have to stay in agreement on the material that you create together. You all also have to continue to get along hopefully on a personal level! All of this and more I have dealt with myself in my own experiences and watched many others struggle with as well.

As you would imagine the level of stress with all the varying factors that come into play during the creative process, working together at all times, and having to agree on things in general can all lead to a very “taxing” experience. Not only do you have to deal with creating the content itself but also when/how you choose to distribute it, where you all agree/disagree on performing, etc.

The saddest part of all of this is that even if you yourself or your band as a whole are incredibly talented and people love your music! The chance that you will still “make it” are slim to none no matter what!

This can be very hard to maintain such a level of dedication when you begin to enter your early 30’s for example, as myself and most of the individuals I used to associate with find themselves currently getting older. I remember in my early twenties watching other bands in their 30’s, 40’s or even older still giving it their all and they always had my highest respect! If you don’t continue to give it your absolute best and dedicate such a huge part of your life towards it then once again you will never succeed!

Complications can arise on multiple levels with such a “task” as you could imagine! Whether it be worrying about your career, continuing to pay bills, or even maintaining your personal relationships, whether this be friends, spouses, or even children for some.

Let’s break up this random depressing notion for a second with some positive thoughts!

I will always love a local music scene almost more than I prefer to see bigger more well known performances!

Nothing more amazing to me exists than watching people I know, or even ones I don’t know, up on stage playing their hearts out literally giving it their all doing what they love!

I remember one of the number one things I used to enjoy in my early twenties was going to this local “run down bar” in my nearest city that did “open-mic nights” every Wednesday! I will never forget those nights for the rest of my life! People were allowed to show up with whatever they wanted and play three songs a piece until everyone who wanted to play had a chance. Sometimes people would mix and match with others they just met, all different styles of music, ages, walks of life, and it was nothing short of an incredible mix of musical passions!

I know this is no new concept to many but big or small never underestimate how amazing it can be to experience your own local live music scene!

Sometimes this can become a struggle to maintain depending on location, other varying factors but even if your own might be on the decline then make it your own personal “duty” or project to make it great again!

I feel like honestly right when I found myself unable to stay so involved in my own local scene for a number of reasons was when it began to pick up more than ever before! New festivals, activities and the like were all growing and being created by the very people I used to share these experiences with.

Venues and places to play in general will always come and go but the spirit will always be alive inside people! Whether it’s at a location where you can currently actively see it or not!

You always have to remember that the most important thing about keeping a local scene alive is supporting other performers! I feel like this aspect of things is what greatly hurts local music in more ways than one.

I remember when I used to play live in one of my bands very early years that we would often always play with another very popular local band at the time. This band would show up with a reasonable number of fans who would leave along with the band themselves once their own set was complete.

This is absolutely disgraceful in my opinion!

How can you truly claim to love and appreciate music if you can’t even have that passion for your fellow local performers?

I hope to eventually be able to get to a point in the future eventually when I can play live more often again myself. Whether this be in another band or even just another acoustic set at an open mic!

Music will always be my overall biggest passion!

If you at all feel the same then I highly recommend you get out into your own local scene!

If you don’t have one?

Create one like I said!

Music truly will always be amazing in it’s ability to bring people together who have a mutual appreciation for it!

I think this is the primary reason that I will always love it so much above anything else!

Thank you so much for Reading!

(Probably could have made this two separate posts in retrospect but whatever! As always, the writing bug took hold and it ended up way longer than intended! Perhaps I’ll edit it in the future, ha ha!)

“Flight Brigade – Live”by phin_hall is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

“Music”by Chris_Hawes is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Where Does Your Satisfaction Come From? What Does this Word Mean to You?

I honestly had no intentions of making this post by any means up until a few hours ago. I currently keep a notebook where I list my various topic ideas for the future and I suppose this will somewhat include some of those concepts as well as others I’ve mentioned in the past. A great deal was honestly inspired reading posts from a fellow blogger which made me realize that I had been thinking about this more so than I had even fully acknowledged recently.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am truly so in love with the world of blogging in terms of being able to share ideas and thoughts with others. Blogging is more a personal autobiographical diary for me above all else really. If anyone appreciates or takes anything from it, that is all really just a plus to me.

Stay on topic, Cailin!

This all really goes hand in hand with what has even had all this on my mind recently though. Anyone who may have read my introductory post would have seen that I came across WordPress completely by accident while filling out a job application. I created one myself primarily at first just to get a feel for the site if I did manage to get the position I applied for. (I did not if you’re curious.)

Blogging and writing has always been appealing to me and something I was interested in trying but never pursued for whatever reason.

(I feel like I’m making this more about blogging which was not my intention…)

My overall point in all this rambling I suppose is that I’m a big believer in that everything happens for a reason for the most part. I’ve also found that this is a great outlet for me to occasionally organize the endless flow of thoughts that constantly occur within my head.

Jumping back to me pursuing other means of employment recently is what primarily put the current topic of discussion back into my mind. One I have always often come back to over the years for a number of reasons.

What I do for a job/career has honestly never been that important to me. I honestly have a ton of respect for anyone who truly knows what they want for themselves in this regard in many ways! When I was younger I always just wanted to help people until I realized that this could never be achieved for me in the way I wanted it to be. (I’ve mentioned this more in depth in previous posts so I won’t continue to ramble any further on unrelated things.)

My primary reason for bringing this up is with my current change in circumstances over the past few months I feel like once again I find myself bombarded by others who feel I don’t apply myself and/or waste my potential. I was completely content and happy with my old profession as well as past and future endeavors. As stated above this has never been important to me.

In all honestly, what anyone does for a living isn’t really of any interest to me for the most part. I care far more about who you are as a person and in life than your status or how much money you may make. You could make a million dollars a year and I could care less if you aren’t a good person. Granted some are able to combine helping others and/or including their passions within their professions but for most, sadly, this is not a realistic luxury. I feel this applies more nowadays than ever before.

I have never been a materialistic person in any sense whether it be what I wear, drive, own, or where I live. None of this has ever meant anything to me, nor does it matter to me in terms of anyone else’s life. If I ever do find myself overly wealthy for some reason I would probably still drive a “beater” vehicle and live in a smaller home with rather “bohemian” decor, ha ha!

I’ve never understood anyone who desires status and/or wealth feeling that this will somehow make them happy or have this need to prove anything to anyone else.

As long as I am surrounded by good people that I love, being a good person, helping others whenever I can expecting nothing in return, all while truly believing I am doing my best than what more could I ask for?

I really meant the entire theme of this post involving “satisfaction” in the generalist terms I possibly could!

I mean it also in the ways I just stated above including never expecting anything from anyone when I’m nice to them or help them. I feel like many do this for the sense of satisfaction or achievement which I will never understand as well.

I feel others even with some things can almost force a sense of satisfaction out of wanting to prove something and/or other exceptions of society in a completely different way. For example, the way that some may be obsessed with taking photos of themselves, others, places, or experiences just to prove they have/did them? (If that makes any sense at all…) I feel this reigns true more now than ever with “social media” being so important to many.

As also just mentioned above, I truly feel I have always lived and tried my absolute hardest in all aspects of life regardless of what anyone else may think about me. If I was to die tomorrow for whatever reason I would do so knowing that I was content and happy with myself all around until this point. I’ve had a great life so far honestly with many different types of experiences and people with hopefully much more still to come that I can’t even imagine.

I feel that many seem to limit their own personal satisfaction by things that other people or society put in place for them. They think they need an established career, to get married, purchase a house, have children, etc. and while all these things are well and good allowing many to feel a sense of satisfaction. You should by no means feel this is the only path to take or the only things that matter.

(I’d like to point out I have previously accomplished all of the aforementioned in the past for the record! None of this when all was said and done made me particularly happy for a number of reasons, with the only exception being my children.)

I guess I should wrap up this rambling once again with my initial question in the title of this post!

Where does your satisfaction come from?

What does this word even really mean?

I honestly couldn’t be more intrigued to potentially hear others thoughts on this subject!

As stated above, however, this is more just me needing to work out the thoughts in my own mind. About how others have recently made me reflect and think about my own actions and achievements. I know I can honestly say without a doubt that I am happy and down right proud of myself and how I’ve lived my life so far.

I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it and I never will!

Neither should you!

Whatever makes you happy and leaves you feeling satisfied with your life than keep doing it!

What else is life about?

Thank you so much for Reading!

(Jeez…I had a feeling that was going to be a long one no matter how hard I tried but come on girl…I really am the ramble on queen whether in real life or in writing even when I try my best, ha ha!)

“Lake Como, Belmar”by Khaz is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Trans-Topic Thursdays! The Importance of Always Being Yourself! (By No Means Strictly a Trans Related Post!)

One thing I can not stand almost more than anything else is fake people! Something about this type of person, at least for me personally, is always so easy to pick up on and identify right off the bat. I couldn’t pin point exactly what it is about them that makes it so obvious per se. I feel it primarily has to just be mainly you can tend to tell when a person is trying to hard I suppose? I would imagine this has to become quite exhausting on occasion.

I’ve made it a habit since I was very young to only surround myself with genuine people whenever I was able to make the choice on who I spent my time with. I can’t think of many close friends I’ve ever had in my life that didn’t fit this qualification.

I understand fully that in some circumstances in can sometimes be necessary to put up some type of front or “wear a mask” as they say. Depending on the type of work environment you may find yourself in for example. I know I have personally worked many jobs that required a healthy amount of customer service. This sure does not mean that I keep up this level of presentation with my coworkers or even all customers however. I know a good majority of us can often hold back when first meeting someone whether it be a new potential friend or family member. This is completely normal as well! I’m talking mainly in the sense of once these relationships have been established for a reasonable amount of time.

I know for myself that any ability I ever had to hide anything of myself from anyone has all but completely faded since I started hormones and began transitioning.

(See, we are getting into why this is more of a trans-topic post now!)

I’m not entirely sure if this is more based on the mental changes I have undergone, just being tired of holding back my full “true self” for so long, or the latter.

I can say from my own experience and interactions with other transgender individuals that you will rarely encounter one of us that isn’t completely a genuine person! This applies more so once you get farther into your transition I feel for the most part but this is by no means always the case!

A piece of advice I’d like to give to those who may be just beginning to transition (or really anyone for that matter) is letting yourself fully find out who you are. I mean this more in the sense as to never feel the need to limit yourself by expectations!

Never let anyone or anything make you feel that you have to be anything that you’re not!

What I mean by this mainly to give an example, I tended to feel like early on in my own transition that some expected me to like overly change somehow in the sense that I would be stereo-typically more “girly” or something along these lines.

Do not get me wrong!

I am plenty “girly” in a number of different ways, ha ha!

However, I would say I am far from being dominantly so!

I am beyond “tom-boyish” in plenty of ways as well!

Once again though, what is all this honestly based on in the first place except for certain expectations put in place by our society?

What exactly is it that make such things absolutely have to be more preferred or “normal” by one gender over the other?

Why can’t people just be people?

I suppose this can sound a bit odd from someone who felt so strongly about their gender identity that they felt the need to change certain aspects of herself to feel more comfortable but I would hope you understand my point here, ha ha!

Back to just talking more in a general sense!

I feel like a common area this can apply for anyone is often being embarrassed or ashamed of your interests.

Whether they may be considered nerdy/geeky (whatever the heck this even means once again!) or anything in general for whatever reason a friend/family member of yours doesn’t approve of.

First and foremost!

Learn to stop caring at all what people think about you in any sense of the word!

I realize that this can be much easier said than done depending on the situation but does it really need to be?

Own whatever it is that you enjoy and makes you yourself!

And love yourself for it!

We are all incredibly unique people and this is what makes us all fantastically amazing!

No one else in this world no matter what will ever be exactly who you are!

Remember this!

Not only have I personally embraced my gender identity over the past five or so years but this process has also made me learn to be myself completely and fully! (Whether I want to be or not for the most part as stated above, ha ha!) I have all but ceased trying to hide my “weird” and often “crazy” self from anyone no matter who you are! Random stranger on street, my friends, my family, anyone!

I know I already stated this above but once again learn to love yourself for what makes you special!

I can almost guarantee that if you own whatever makes you uniquely yourself that you will become a ton happier than you have ever been in your life!

(As I often like to include in various posts! Always keeping in mind as long as this never involves harming anyone or causing anyone any kind of pain! If you do feel like this then please do yourself a favor and seek some type of help, ha ha!)

If you don’t love yourself for whatever reason right now, take comfort in the fact that even though I might not know you, I love you!

I mean this sincerely!

I tend to be cursed with this ability to always see the good in people and find something I like about you even with the aforementioned “faker” types. I’m sure you have your reasons for acting the way you do!

Thank you so much for Reading!

“Morning Hike”by SewPixie is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Media Mondays! All the Greats Come from New Jersey! (I Know Not All…but a Good Amount!)

I was born and bred in New Jersey so granted I may be slightly bias when it comes to this particular topic.

I’m a Jersey Girl through and through!

Anyone who has ever had the pleasure would know we truly are one of a kind!

I don’t know what exactly it is about Jersey folk that seems to bring about some type of special unique quality but from my interactions with people from other places it is without a doubt undeniable!

It’s an attitude, presence and just overall state of being that I truly don’t think can be compared to anything else for whatever reason.

New Jersey may have a lot of flaws even more so now than ever honestly but I will always love the fact that I grew up here. How many other places can you go that literally have practically anything you can find anywhere else. Granted it may not be the best version of it by any stretch but we have beaches, mountains, cities, and probably a lot more country areas than those who have never visited before realize.

Every year, however, things just continue to become extremely more expensive and overpopulated!

(I would seriously debate finding somewhere else to live at this point if I wasn’t tied to my current area for a number of reasons.)

This overpopulation itself is probably one of the more important factors for why so many well known individuals have come from the state let alone the mentality.

I’m sure a good majority of the more well known famous people many have heard of and/or are aware of. Such as Frank Sinatra, Whitney Houston, Danny DeVito, Buzz Aldrin, just to name a few of the random examples I can think of without even having to look.

I assure you though!

If you were to run a simple search you would probably be utterly shocked by the sheer number of people you would recognize who were either born and/or raised in New Jersey.

Whether it be musicians, actors, historical figures, etc. clearly something must be “in the water” to bring about such a plethora of amazing people from so many different industries.

I feel in particular that this applies when it comes to music. Most of my favorite bands are from New Jersey without even going out of my way to make it so. Jersey has an incredible underground music scene as well as more mainstream aspects.

Trust me when I say it’s a lot more diverse than just “gangster style” movie stereotype people, ha ha!

No matter where I may end up in my life in the future New Jersey will always be my home and I will love it forever!

Thank you so much for Reading!

“Jersey City Backstreets”by Friscocali is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0

“Seaside Heighs Ferris Wheel”by Khaz is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Trans-Topic Thursdays! My Recent Experience Trying Dating Apps for the First Time!

As the title would suggest, I recently only a short while ago decided to finally experiment with dating apps for the first time ever in my life.

I’m a very traditional girl in every sense of the word when it comes to relationships and the like.

I’m not the type to do one night stands or any type of random hook ups really. I prefer to actually date someone that I share a real connection with and don’t do so very often. I can easily count the number of serious relationships I’ve ever really had on one hand.

I’ve always been a sucker for “movie magic romance” I suppose.

Two people meet in real life by chance, instantly share a connection and it just grows from there. Maybe a good old damsel in distress scenario, love at first sight or any of the other various movie cliches they make you believe as a child, ha ha!

Clearly, I’m grown up a lot and have realized it takes a lot more than such things to make a relationship work. The sole reason for me expressing all this is simply I never thought I would ever try any type of dating app in my life.

So, how did it go you might be wondering?

I barely even know where to begin…

I was absolutely overwhelmed with messages to say the least! Easily over a hundred only within the first day or so…

I’ve only played around with two separate apps so far so I’m sure results can vary greatly depending on which ones you may try but I primarily dealt with the same things on both of these.

First of all, being transgendered, I am never one not to disclose this information to someone the second they show any type of romantic interest in me. (This has really hurt in a number of ways previously in “real life” for the record which may even be what prompted me to try this is the first place.) In both of my profiles I made sure to express I was trans right away in the first section of my introduction.

Yet still…

A good majority of men clearly don’t read this at all and I found myself on multiple occasions dealing with them being both shocked and/or disgusted!

This makes a girl feel fantastic I assure you! (Trademark Sarcasm!)

After I get done sorting through these lovely types of people I’ve found that three main groups of others remain!

Regular run of the mill perverts/creeps! (Which I know all woman have experienced whether they want to or not!)
Fetish types! (Who rarely are even well informed on trans-related topics)
The very elusive potentially good guy!

I wouldn’t imagine I need to say much about how creepy some men can be. No offense to some of you gentlemen! Seriously, I even felt the need to eventually put in my profile that I won’t even respond if you instantly show me a pic of your “private areas,” then isn’t that almost enough said? Let alone just the instantaneous random very inappropriate comments!

Now, fetish types, this one almost deserves it’s own post in the future so I’ll try to keep this brief. If you at all attempt to approach or date a trans-person I can almost guarantee 100% of the time that they will never want to viewed as anything but themselves! If you have any interest in us just for being what we are then you need to GO AWAY!

This almost became a game to me at a point to make it my own personal pleasure to destroy these types of people! I would only do this after trying my best to honestly educate them on transgender individuals before so for the record.

This leads me right into my next point that applies to both these first two groups, being simply that in some circumstances that being transgendered somehow implies that you are “desperate” in the eyes of some people. I don’t understand what puts this idea in some peoples heads and maybe it doesn’t apply to all but it sure does to me! I have stayed single for quite some time by choice for the most part I promise you! I actually ended up adding this to my profile eventually as well even though it was about as helpful as everything else included on it…

Lastly, that leaves the extremely seldom found actually decent person who actually wants to attempt to have a conversation with you! I’d say from my experience this is roughly about 1/10 or so which is probably almost being a bit generous…

My experience so far in communicating with this rare breed has been quite the mixed bag. Sometimes it seems like you two are getting along extremely well only for them to turn out to be one of the other previously two mentioned types of people or just disappearing without any reason/word a good majority of the time.

I have since still, somewhat continued to talk to a few individuals off these apps but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from them or not. I did meet one person so far in person which went reasonably well but after that night I have yet to hear from them again. (Probably because I was unwilling to perform certain acts on our first meeting if your curious…)

I think I’ve learned the best way to approach this type of thing is to simply have no serious expectations and just try your best to keep it fun and casual?

I know many people I know personally have been lucky enough to find real long lasting relationships so I believe that it’s possible and some level of hope for achieving this exists if that’s what you so desire. If you go in with the mindset of knowing what you want or are looking for then I think it’s worth trying at least. Just certainly expect quite a wide variety of people to sort through before finding someone looking for something similar.

I personally don’t know how much longer I intend to keep using them myself honestly. I already have not used them for at least a week and have no idea if I plan to return to continue to do so currently.

Why do I have to be cursed with being such a romantic?!?

Kidding for the most part, but I do feel a certain level of truth exists in this statement for those who may feel similar to myself.

Dating sucks whether it’s the old fashioned way or by newer means!

I will always believe that eventually everyone will find love and happiness with someone else if that’s what they truly hope to find!

We all deserve love and support in our lives no matter who that may come from!

I feel like this post has ended up way longer than I intended even with trying my best to hold back so I’ll wrap it up here, as always…

Thank you so much for Reading!

“From Ads to Avenue of Chat: A History of Online Dating” by Jenny Waterson is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0

Random Song Wednesdays! Alex Turner: Stuck on a Puzzle (A Potential New Series?)

I was thinking instead of doing “Wordless Wednesday” which I’ve become a huge fan of, that I would do something similar to this as a replacement!

Not to say that this a new concept by any means!

Just, I don’t know?

I think I have a lot to offer in the ways of random music that some may have never heard before and could appreciate.

My musical tastes really are so vast that I couldn’t possibly imagine being able to write about every band I love even if I started right now!

I thought this might be a neat alternative to help counteract this!

I’m not sure if I’m going to make it a guaranteed weekly thing just yet or if I will simply do it whenever a song strikes me that feels right!

We’ll see how it goes!

The following song I only found myself for the first time a few years back and could not get over how I hadn’t heard it previously with how much I love it now!

It is easily one of the most relaxing songs I’ve ever heard, perfectly suited for early morning, late night listening, any time of day! I always tend to put it on when I’m in a rough spot and just need to wind down.

The song has many different opinions of the romantic aspects conveyed.

Perhaps you will even be able to relate yourself?

Musically and lyrically I will always love this song!

Lemme know what you think of either the song or my new idea in general, please!

I now present to you by the lovely Alex Turner off the album Submarine…

“Stuck On The Puzzle”

I’m not the kind of fool
Who’s gonna sit and sing to you,
About stars, girl.

But last night I looked up into
The dark half of the blue,
And they’d gone backwards.

Something in your magnetism
Must have pissed them off,
Forcing them to get an early night.

I have been searching from
The bottom to the top
For such a sight
As the one I caught when I saw your

Fingers dimming the lights
Like you’re used to being told that you’re trouble
And I spent all night
Stuck on the puzzle

Nobody I asked
Knew how he came to be the one
To whom you surrendered

Any man who wasn’t led away
Into the other room
Stood pretending

That something in your magnetism
Hadn’t just made him drop
Whoever’s hand it was that he was holding.

I have been searching from
The bottom to the top
For such a sight
As the one I caught when I saw your

Fingers dimming the lights
Like you’re used to being told that you’re trouble
And I spent all night
Stuck on the puzzle

I tried to swim to the side
But my feet got caught in the middle
And I thought I’d seen the light
But oh no.

I was just stuck on the puzzle
Stuck on the puzzle.

I hope you enjoyed it!

“Missing pieces”by focusedcapture is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Trans-Topic Thursdays! Being Transgendered is in NO WAY a Choice!

Had a hard time finding a picture I liked for this topic, then I saw this berry and it just seemed almost perfect for what I wanted to express!

I often read or even come across others in my own life that still seem to think that being transgendered is somehow a choice…?

Trust me when I say, it is in no way a choice!

Sure, if you think someone would choose to be something that affects almost every aspect of their life!

More often than not since you were a small child!

That constantly makes you feel uncomfortable and anxious!

Leaving you struggling searching to find something that makes you feel even a little better!

Maybe, you find transitioning (or not transitioning) could be the only hope you have to find some type of relief from what you’ve always dealt with!

Yet, also this means being persecuted by a large amount of the population just for trying to be yourself!

When half the time you hate yourself plenty all on your own!

Then, who wouldn’t want to sign up for this as their life, right?!?!

Please, trust me when I say that being transgendered is in No Way a Choice!

It may sound extreme but for many of us it truly is a choice between life and death. We would rather not live anymore, or finally try to live our lives as who we have always truly been and hope for the best!

Let me stress a point here!

We are nothing but normal everyday people just trying to live our lives for the most part. We truly mean you no harm! I don’t understand the viewpoint that exists at all some seem to have that we are in anyway deviants of any kind?

Let’s stay on topic though for now, shall we?

Honestly, for any of you who may have ever taken a look at my “behemoth” of a post about “coming out” would know how much I tried to suppress being trans until it completely consumed me. For as large as that post may be, it only details very small parts of what I dealt with throughout my life.

I remember being in kindergarten and my class having a “Hawaiian Day” or something along those lines at school. I wore like a fake grass skirt home we had all made in class just because I liked it. This was innocent, I didn’t think anything of it really? When I got off the bus I remember my friend’s father calling me a “faggot” and telling me to take it off. This must have hurt me enough at the time to still make me remember it to this day.

Watching home videos and stuff now with my family, they often joke with me sometimes about how you can tell I was way more interested in my sister’s toys. I know at least one of them involved a ring from a “Pretty, Pretty Princess” game. (I’m far from a “princess” for the record, ha ha!)

Often when I was younger people would often mistake me for a girl. This would make me as equally happy as it would make me upset.

Then, you hit your teens and forget about it!

You are freaking out about everything!

It’s all just wrong and it kills you!

This can often lead to you experiencing depression for most of your teens, often following you into adult hood. You can try to find various ways to deny these feelings. Shut yourself down emotionally, alcohol, drugs, hobbies, various other distractions and vices but…

IT NEVER GOES AWAY!

And it never will go away!

No matter how you end up dealing with being transgender this is something you just end up needing to accept eventually or you will probably be miserable your entire life.

For many this path leads to transitioning like myself but others find plenty of other ways in some cases that allow them to find peace with themselves.

To each their own!

I’ve said before, gender is a spectrum and you can take all the time you need to find where your place on it lies!

That seems like as good a closing line as any!

Learn to love yourselves everyone!

No matter who are you!

Thank you so much for Reading!

“IMG_1408”by CoryDeanSmith.com is licensed under CC BY 2.0

“Not caring what other people think is the best choice you will ever make.”by deeplifequotes is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Ode to my Father! (Birthday/Father’s Day Present!)

(I don’t think this is technically an “ode” but it just sounded right at the moment so bear with me on that!)

My Dad’s birthday falls only slightly before Father’s Day which has always made me feel bad for him, in the sense that many others whose births may have taken place very close to certain holidays I’m sure can relate to.

(Only getting one gift and all that jazz half the time…)

Finding myself in a struggling state financially right now I have since decided to make his present this year something he has been asking me or my sister now for YEARS!

Almost, every time I see him anymore (or talk to my sister about similar circumstances) he will literally beg for one us to write a book about his life.

This is a typical thing I would say many nearing ever closer to “old age” begin to think about. The whole wanting to be remembered and all that which I totally understand!

While, I can’t say I will, most likely, ever write a full blown book on my father, I probably could because he really has had a fairly interesting life so far.

You could almost say he is literally the definition of the ol’ “truth can be stranger than fiction” saying!

My dad is a simple man in many ways.

He’s always worked his butt of as a union dock builder claiming to love it for the adrenaline rush! He has since retired only a little over a year ago or so. Recently, he seems to even be researching various ways to ease this itch!

The most recent I was personally witness to, was him wanting to try to enter a demolition derby! If you didn’t guess, he is also a huge fan of Nascar which even though I will occasionally watch with him….

I can’t stand at all!

Half the time I honestly just end up making fun of it! (No offense to any fans!)

He enjoys things like fishing and other various activities of that nature. Pretty much my point in giving this basic rundown is simply….

WE LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON!

Essentially…

What we do share in common is the fact that we are extremely nice people who will usually do anything we can to help people!

(Granted…I do feel I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older that he may occasionally do this just for the gratitude and appreciation….but that’s neither here nor there!)

My dad is the type of man who will pull over to the side of the road whenever he sees anyone in trouble no matter who they may be!

He really will honestly do anything for anyone to the point you could almost say he is taken advantage of sometimes.

Crazy times include for example, literally climbing into a building that was on fire to save an old man and carry him down to safety….

Yea…he’s freakin’ nuts…

(Not always in good ways I assure you…he’s not known in his town as “The Crazy Irish Leprechaun” for nothing!)

When all is said and done though I would never wish for another father ever and I love him more than life!

He probably sometimes doubts this but I would hope, at least, recently that he has finally been realizing how much this is true.

I’ve gained so much of my random knowledge and experiences from my father that I probably don’t even realize sometimes where I pull random things from is, more often than not, something I learned from him.

I feel like we are still, in a lot of ways, slightly weird since I transitioned because I know he’s not entirely comfortable with it but he has still always been there for me whenever I need it the most!

I honestly could go on and on but I’m going to wrap it up here, at least for now.

I love you, Dad!

Happy Father’s Day to all you amazing Father’s out there!

We know you put up with a lot from us sometimes, just know how much we truly appreciate it!

(Unless, you have a terrible child and then my condolences….You’re still awesome to me!)

Thank you so much for Reading!

“Lighthouse 1”by tijmz is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Media Mondays! Anime! Something I genuinely feel everyone should give a fair chance!

I feel for those who may have little experience and/or exposure to anime may have the wrong idea of, honestly, one of my most favorite pastimes!

Anime tends to catch a bad rap in some ways carrying with it various negative connotations for some.

It’s weird, perverted, over the top, made for children, etc…

Sure, some shows do tend to deal with some if not all of these.

However, in my opinion, most simply do not at all!

As far as I’m concerned the only reason I could possibly think of for someone not enjoying anime is if they simply don’t care for any types of animated works in general.

Which can be very understandable, don’t get me wrong!

(Really, though….what’s wrong with you…?)

(Totally kidding! Ha ha!)

Anime to me is so much more than just your average television program or movie!

It truly is ART in number of different ways!

The art itself is primarily what will draw me to initially try a new potential show for the most part.

(Granted, this is not something you can always solely base your opinions on for a particular show. Sometimes a wonky or experimental art style can be amazing! Especially if it is somehow tied into the premise of the show itself.)

The art styles in anime vary so drastically from traditional, modern, or just straight up unique one of kind works!

Next, has got to be the music!

O my the MUSIC!

Anyone who has even remotely followed me so far should know that music above all others is probably my biggest passion of them all!

Anime brings music into a program in ways that I feel far surpass things you will typically find in more “western based” media.

From the opening and closing scenes, to the songs used during various parts of the show itself.

They are usually nothing short of phenomenal!

Whether they be more Asian inspired pieces or western based productions.

Incredible, amazingly catchy and unique songs that are more often then not matched up perfectly to the animation and will, most likely, be stuck in your head far longer than you may care for!

Some anime’s central themes will even on occasion revolve solely around music as the basis for the entire show and storyline.

(One of my absolute favorite genres if you couldn’t guess!)

This leads right into my next point which is the stories themselves. A key point in what I was trying to stress at the beginning of this post.

Honestly, to say you don’t like anime is practically almost saying you hate media in all it’s forms!

If there is a particular genre you enjoy whether it be popular, more unknown, or maybe something you didn’t even know could exist and stands alone!

Trust me! You can find it in an anime!

You like horror?

I could introduce you to shows that will leave you on the edge of your seat!

Maybe you prefer a good comedy?

I bet some will make you laugh in ways you never have before!

Romance?

It’s probably easier to find an anime that has romantic themes in some way than it is not to!

I’ll stop there, I’m sure you get the point!

The last thing I’d like to address is that anime and/or animation in general is for children?

Maybe, if you want to limit yourself to that kind of thinking!

In all the never ending genres in the anime world I can almost assure you that at least more than half are not something children should witness for varying levels of mature content!

Shows that tend to be more well known or in the forefront of “mainstream” anime usually tend to be typically more of the “shounen” variety. Literally translated as a genre that is primarily aimed to be attractive or appealing to young boys.

This is not to say that others regardless of your age or gender can not enjoy these shows. My point is simply that I feel this does play a more crucial role in why anime may carry with it all the themes stated above.

Genres are not always based on age for reference but a good majority will include one of the various titles attached to it describing it’s key demographic.

I suppose that’s as good a place as any to wrap things up.

I’m fairly positive I managed to cover most of what I intended to express in this post.

My only goal being to potentially open your mind to trying out something new!

For all you know this could very well turn into being one of your new favorite hobbies!

Anime is continually growing worldwide in popularity and not at all as “niche” as it once was and for good reason!

I always would enjoy the occasional anime in my teens and thoroughly enjoyed them! I did, however, struggle to find anyone to share this interest with.

I really only fully embraced my “anime addiction” maybe, give or take, around 5 years ago?

I have since watched roughly over 200+ different series in my lifetime…

This is nothing compared to some “pros” who may even make a living off anime on YouTube or other social media but I mean it sure is still a decent amount!

Anyways, I hope this, at the very least, gave some of you more understanding and/or appreciation of the wonderful world of anime!

I can honestly say it’s primarily the only thing I tend to watch mostly anymore when I’m actually able to have the patience to sit still and focus on one thing for an extended period of time.

(Western based shows nowadays just tend to be so unoriginal or even repetitive in a sense, in my opinion, for the most part. I find anime to be a very refreshing break from this.)

If you have already previously and/or still do watch anime, let me know some of your favorite shows in the comments!

I would love to hear them!

Always looking to connect with fellow anime “nerds.”

Thank you so much reading!

See You Space Cowboy…

(Anyone who gets that reference is awesome, by the way!)

(Come on! It has to be one of the most popular anime!)

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