I know that this topic is not one that is insanely unspoken about by any means! I do feel that in some ways it is almost put on the back-burner in a sense more often than not for some. I felt the need to write it more for those who may view or think being transgendered/transitioning is all more about the “physical aspect” of things than anything else.
Whether you be trans yourself or maybe just curious! I hope you enjoy!
Anyone who has read any of my previous posts will know that I have been on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for roughly five years now. Words can honestly not even begin to describe the roller-coaster something like this entails! I truly don’t think it will ever be something one can fully relate to unless you are transgendered yourself and choose to pursue hormone therapy.
I like to refer to the first, give or take, two years I was on hormones to be the “puberty phase.” During this time you are experiencing more emotions, thoughts, and feelings than you can hardly stand half the time typically leaving you overwhelmed in a multitude of ways for various reasons.
Not only are you literally fully replacing all the hormones in your body, which effect more aspects of every sense of our lives more so than some probably may realize or think about all too often. You are also dealing with who knows what the heck else. You are most likely horribly depressed, anxious, you may not have support, etc…
I was lucky in the sense to have amazing support almost all around but I had plenty of others unique circumstances I was dealing with as well. I can easily say that this whole period of time was the most depressing period and hardest times I’ve ever went through in my life. (Which is saying something I assure you!)
I spent probably my first three months on hormones sleeping almost all day, everyday, not only from depression but the effects of the changes I was experiencing from such at abrupt change to my system. For most of these first two years I was irritable, upset, exhausted, barely ate half the time, I barely functioned in general…
Then, miraculously one day (which literally feels like it comes out of absolutely nowhere!) I realized two things…
I’m kind of starting to feel a ton better and more stable?
Actually….I feel like a totally different person!
THIS IS INSANE! HOW AND WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?
I swear you will always read or see about this aspect of transitioning and taking hormones often discussed by others but it’s unimaginable until you truly experience it for yourself.
Don’t get me wrong! I am still 100% myself in so many ways!
It’s almost more as if who I’ve always been is just like enhanced? (For lack of a better word or ability to explain…)
I feel another potentially huge factor in all this is also how, more often than not, trans people will suppress who they really are in a lot of ways. I mention in my coming out post about how I used to mainly just let myself be emotionless almost, unintentionally, so I didn’t have to deal with how I really felt.
I can assure you now that I feel more emotions and cycle through more thoughts in a single day than I can even handle some days! Ha ha!
I feel in some ways like I was only born about 3 years ago and honestly never feel like the person I was before was ever me.
(I often think about how funny it would be if we could somehow meet. I think it would be HILARIOUS!)
When you first begin HRT I think a lot of the initial effects come more from relief of finally starting steps to help yourself and may in some ways even be a type of “placebo effect.”
Let me assure you, however!
Things are going to change one day in ways you can’t even comprehend out of nowhere and it will be amazing!
Be patient! As always, with all aspects of transitioning YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY!
Transitioning is by no means a race! Unless growing as a person every single day like we all should in life should be rushed… (Sarcasm!)
While, I still struggle in plenty of ways, as we all do, whether it be “normal problems” or transgendered related things, I have never felt better about myself as a person all around and continue to get happier and more comfortable every single day!
I do intend to make a post in the future pertaining to more specific examples and experiences that these changes have entailed but for now I think this will do just fine!
I hope this has been mildly entertaining and/or informative!
Thank you so much Reading!
Till, next time!