As the title would suggest, I recently only a short while ago decided to finally experiment with dating apps for the first time ever in my life.
I’m a very traditional girl in every sense of the word when it comes to relationships and the like.
I’m not the type to do one night stands or any type of random hook ups really. I prefer to actually date someone that I share a real connection with and don’t do so very often. I can easily count the number of serious relationships I’ve ever really had on one hand.
I’ve always been a sucker for “movie magic romance” I suppose.
Two people meet in real life by chance, instantly share a connection and it just grows from there. Maybe a good old damsel in distress scenario, love at first sight or any of the other various movie cliches they make you believe as a child, ha ha!
Clearly, I’m grown up a lot and have realized it takes a lot more than such things to make a relationship work. The sole reason for me expressing all this is simply I never thought I would ever try any type of dating app in my life.
So, how did it go you might be wondering?
I barely even know where to begin…
I was absolutely overwhelmed with messages to say the least! Easily over a hundred only within the first day or so…
I’ve only played around with two separate apps so far so I’m sure results can vary greatly depending on which ones you may try but I primarily dealt with the same things on both of these.
First of all, being transgendered, I am never one not to disclose this information to someone the second they show any type of romantic interest in me. (This has really hurt in a number of ways previously in “real life” for the record which may even be what prompted me to try this is the first place.) In both of my profiles I made sure to express I was trans right away in the first section of my introduction.
A good majority of men clearly don’t read this at all and I found myself on multiple occasions dealing with them being both shocked and/or disgusted!
This makes a girl feel fantastic I assure you! (Trademark Sarcasm!)
After I get done sorting through these lovely types of people I’ve found that three main groups of others remain!
- Regular run of the mill perverts/creeps! (Which I know all woman have experienced whether they want to or not!)
- Fetish types! (Who rarely are even well informed on trans-related topics)
- The very elusive potentially good guy!
I wouldn’t imagine I need to say much about how creepy some men can be. No offense to some of you gentlemen! Seriously, I even felt the need to eventually put in my profile that I won’t even respond if you instantly show me a pic of your “private areas,” then isn’t that almost enough said? Let alone just the instantaneous random very inappropriate comments!
Now, fetish types, this one almost deserves it’s own post in the future so I’ll try to keep this brief. If you at all attempt to approach or date a trans-person I can almost guarantee 100% of the time that they will never want to viewed as anything but themselves! If you have any interest in us just for being what we are then you need to GO AWAY!
This almost became a game to me at a point to make it my own personal pleasure to destroy these types of people! I would only do this after trying my best to honestly educate them on transgender individuals before so for the record.
This leads me right into my next point that applies to both these first two groups, being simply that in some circumstances that being transgendered somehow implies that you are “desperate” in the eyes of some people. I don’t understand what puts this idea in some peoples heads and maybe it doesn’t apply to all but it sure does to me! I have stayed single for quite some time by choice for the most part I promise you! I actually ended up adding this to my profile eventually as well even though it was about as helpful as everything else included on it…
Lastly, that leaves the extremely seldom found actually decent person who actually wants to attempt to have a conversation with you! I’d say from my experience this is roughly about 1/10 or so which is probably almost being a bit generous…
My experience so far in communicating with this rare breed has been quite the mixed bag. Sometimes it seems like you two are getting along extremely well only for them to turn out to be one of the other previously two mentioned types of people or just disappearing without any reason/word a good majority of the time.
I have since still, somewhat continued to talk to a few individuals off these apps but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from them or not. I did meet one person so far in person which went reasonably well but after that night I have yet to hear from them again. (Probably because I was unwilling to perform certain acts on our first meeting if your curious…)
I think I’ve learned the best way to approach this type of thing is to simply have no serious expectations and just try your best to keep it fun and casual?
I know many people I know personally have been lucky enough to find real long lasting relationships so I believe that it’s possible and some level of hope for achieving this exists if that’s what you so desire. If you go in with the mindset of knowing what you want or are looking for then I think it’s worth trying at least. Just certainly expect quite a wide variety of people to sort through before finding someone looking for something similar.
I personally don’t know how much longer I intend to keep using them myself honestly. I already have not used them for at least a week and have no idea if I plan to return to continue to do so currently.
Why do I have to be cursed with being such a romantic?!?
Kidding for the most part, but I do feel a certain level of truth exists in this statement for those who may feel similar to myself.
Dating sucks whether it’s the old fashioned way or by newer means!
I will always believe that eventually everyone will find love and happiness with someone else if that’s what they truly hope to find!
We all deserve love and support in our lives no matter who that may come from!
I feel like this post has ended up way longer than I intended even with trying my best to hold back so I’ll wrap it up here, as always…
Thank you so much for Reading!
“From Ads to Avenue of Chat: A History of Online Dating” by Jenny Waterson is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0