Just Wanted to Let You All Know I’m Still Here… (Also, I was Fired for the First Time in my Life…)


I can’t believe it’s been an entire month since I apologized for not being able to post after losing power for those few days weeks ago…

To say the least, that was the beginning of me entering one of my lovely “bad things tend to happen in threes” scenarios.

I find this quite funny considering one of the posts I had been working on at this time was on karma and how relevant it tends to be to my life in this respect. I will most likely edit said topic shortly after this and post it soon. Even though it seems odd to work on something I wrote over a month ago so we’ll see how that goes. It may not reflect my current feelings and circumstances which just wouldn’t feel right…

I sadly currently find myself in a very low place which occurs more often than I’d like in the course of my life. I found that when I first began to blog that it was very useful in helping me in this respect. Not only in organizing my own thoughts but also to help give me a task that I enjoyed doing. It doesn’t even necessarily feel right to post in a state of mind when I am not all that positive since this is what I always hope to inspire and convey. I am all about being real as well though which I guess is bound to coincide with this at times. I’m struggling very much right now to find anything that can hold my attention or give me even a moment of relief.

Gotta love depression!

It actually feels wrong to call this depression since actual clinical depression is typically brought on by nothing at all (which I’m no stranger to as well!) and this time I certainly have circumstances that have triggered my current feelings. (Or lack there of I should say…it’s sad how I still tend to revert to my “pre-transition” defense mechanism at times.)

I’m truly trying my best to not let my anxiety consume me as it has so many times before in the past.

To make a long story short, once my power was finally restored I came back to find my internet had been shut off which left me unable to post and I was only able to afford to restore it a few days ago. I live all by myself and just basic necessities are hard for me to maintain even when I do make decent money.

I briefly mentioned once I believe in my post on “satisfaction” that my job circumstances had recently changed for various reasons leading me to make a significant amount less than I was before so.

I had become completely content with this change in career because I thoroughly enjoyed the change of work experience and was really good at it if I do say so myself! My friend was my manager, with me being one of his assistant managers. I was happy and finally starting to feel better but with most good things in life this sadly came to an end sooner rather than later…

A number of “drama packed” incidents occurred within my company as they seem to do more often than not over my past two years with them which ended with my friend/boss quitting. This left my store in quite a disarray.

Two weeks later….for the first time in my life…

I was FIRED!

I was asked to leave one night with absolutely no reasoning by the person who was chosen to replace my boss. At first, he wouldn’t even give me a reason as I stated, just abruptly told me to clock out and leave for the night. Eventually, coming outside to speak to me informing me he heard rumors me and a fellow manager were planning a “mutiny.” Yes, he literally used this word…

The other girl and I were utterly shocked by this statement to say the least and couldn’t believe we were being dismissed for nothing but “locker room rumors” considering we were practically running the day to day operations entirely by ourselves. It ended with him saying we could both return to work the following day. The next morning, however, I woke up to a voicemail saying once again that I was no longer needed and that was that.

This was only last week…

I honestly wasn’t sure if I had planned to return regardless after such events having never experienced such disrespect and lack of trust in a workplace.

I’m still taking it quite hard because not only have I been told by every manager I’ve ever previously had within this company that I’m one of the “best workers they have ever had” but also for it to all to be so personal and really still without proper reasoning for my dismissal.

Others and myself have come to realize the whole situation may have had to do with me being trans, with it all just being an excuse to get rid of me which is something I’ve yet to deal with in a work place scenario. Perhaps why I didn’t even consider it at first.

This was a situation in which this middle-aged gentlemen used to treat me entirely different before he found out about me. He had actually worked below me at the time before his advancement and was no stranger to the occasional comment or more straightforward attempt to “hit on me.” After he was told, even though my interactions with him had changed, I never thought he would let it affect our professional relationship. Especially when I did so much for him after he took over.

At this point, it’s all neither here nor there I suppose…

I really only planned to make this a very quick entry stating that I was still around and hoping to become more active again.

I think I’m going to mix it up and just start to post whenever the time strikes me and feels right. Not to say that I ever forced anything in the past. I may revert back to a more solid schedule in the future. For now, however, I think this is the best plan until my life becomes a touch more stable again.

I know I have at least four or so drafts to edit and hopefully post in the near future I had previously already written, but I may just end up scrapping them at this point…

We’ll see!

Writing anew would probably be for the best right now in my current state anyway!

I’m sure I’ll push through like I always do!

Hope you all are doing well!

(I feel like I’m already going to regret this absolute drivel…at least I posted again at all.)


“Birds…”by nightshiftboy is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Talking to Yourself! A Fine Line Between Genius and Insanity!


I feel like most of the random topics I have written down and plan to discuss in the future for the most part are mildly serious.

A good majority of my random posts recently seem to have been this way so I thought I’d mix it up first with one just a touch more playful and lighthearted?

As I’m sure many of you would assume, as one would most likely not write on such a topic if they did not do this themselves…

I have always been beyond a person who talks to myself whether I am alone or with others!

I feel this has only become more commonplace as I grow older!

(Also, possibly from hormones as well…but I swear I did this already!)

I can honestly probably say in any given day I almost constantly talk to myself, even more so than I do with others sometimes…

You would think I would primarily just do this while at home or by myself like many people do on occasion but…

NO!

I practically do it 24/7 and it doesn’t matter where I am!

In a store, walking down the street, at work, everywhere!

I’ve really just learned to accept this and not care about the strange glances I often receive from others. I remember a few years back walking the streets of Philly literally telling myself I needed to stop…

This does not make you look any better I assure you! Ha ha!

So, as with most things about myself I have come to embrace it!

It helps me work out my own thoughts, focus on tasks, feel better about myself if I need to amp myself up once in awhile, plenty of things!

Apparently, more studies than you might think back up this information. I remember reading one about people having to remember certain items and being told to repeat them out loud while others did not. With those who did performing the task significantly better than those who did not! Many different kinds of these studies and information exist on this topic if you find yourself curious.

One of the most famous “geniuses” of all time, Albert Einstein, was overly infamous for noticeably talking to himself!

I’m not calling myself or anyone who talks out loud to themselves to be such a person but I do think that a basis for it assisting with many things is justified!

I remembering seeing once as well that this can be recommended to do for people who may suffer from panic attacks for another example. Simply just saying what you plan to do out loud or how your feeling at the moment is said to help greatly in such a situation.

I speak out loud when I write and review almost all of my posts, let alone other things. I tend to be able to write as fast as I would talk to someone in person which helps a great deal in such matters.

So, in conclusion it helps people to focus better, work out thoughts and feelings, feel better about themselves, and just overall appears to bring about nothing but positive things.

I think more people do this than they may be willing to show and express in front of others in some circumstances from my experience discussing this with others.

I say embrace it wherever you are as long as it helps you with whatever you might be doing at any given time!

As always…

Try your best to forget what people think about you!



You’re probably way cooler and a more well adjusted person than they could ever hope to be anyways!

Thank you so much for Reading!


“paving space”by vaXzine is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

“& teach yourself to learn.”by Stephen O is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Trans-Topic Thursdays! My Recent Experience Trying Dating Apps for the First Time!


As the title would suggest, I recently only a short while ago decided to finally experiment with dating apps for the first time ever in my life.

I’m a very traditional girl in every sense of the word when it comes to relationships and the like.

I’m not the type to do one night stands or any type of random hook ups really. I prefer to actually date someone that I share a real connection with and don’t do so very often. I can easily count the number of serious relationships I’ve ever really had on one hand.

I’ve always been a sucker for “movie magic romance” I suppose.

Two people meet in real life by chance, instantly share a connection and it just grows from there. Maybe a good old damsel in distress scenario, love at first sight or any of the other various movie cliches they make you believe as a child, ha ha!

Clearly, I’m grown up a lot and have realized it takes a lot more than such things to make a relationship work. The sole reason for me expressing all this is simply I never thought I would ever try any type of dating app in my life.

So, how did it go you might be wondering?

I barely even know where to begin…

I was absolutely overwhelmed with messages to say the least! Easily over a hundred only within the first day or so…

I’ve only played around with two separate apps so far so I’m sure results can vary greatly depending on which ones you may try but I primarily dealt with the same things on both of these.

First of all, being transgendered, I am never one not to disclose this information to someone the second they show any type of romantic interest in me. (This has really hurt in a number of ways previously in “real life” for the record which may even be what prompted me to try this is the first place.) In both of my profiles I made sure to express I was trans right away in the first section of my introduction.

Yet still…

A good majority of men clearly don’t read this at all and I found myself on multiple occasions dealing with them being both shocked and/or disgusted!

This makes a girl feel fantastic I assure you! (Trademark Sarcasm!)

After I get done sorting through these lovely types of people I’ve found that three main groups of others remain!

  1. Regular run of the mill perverts/creeps! (Which I know all woman have experienced whether they want to or not!)
  2. Fetish types! (Who rarely are even well informed on trans-related topics)
  3. The very elusive potentially good guy!

I wouldn’t imagine I need to say much about how creepy some men can be. No offense to some of you gentlemen! Seriously, I even felt the need to eventually put in my profile that I won’t even respond if you instantly show me a pic of your “private areas,” then isn’t that almost enough said? Let alone just the instantaneous random very inappropriate comments!

Now, fetish types, this one almost deserves it’s own post in the future so I’ll try to keep this brief. If you at all attempt to approach or date a trans-person I can almost guarantee 100% of the time that they will never want to viewed as anything but themselves! If you have any interest in us just for being what we are then you need to GO AWAY!

This almost became a game to me at a point to make it my own personal pleasure to destroy these types of people! I would only do this after trying my best to honestly educate them on transgender individuals before so for the record.

This leads me right into my next point that applies to both these first two groups, being simply that in some circumstances that being transgendered somehow implies that you are “desperate” in the eyes of some people. I don’t understand what puts this idea in some peoples heads and maybe it doesn’t apply to all but it sure does to me! I have stayed single for quite some time by choice for the most part I promise you! I actually ended up adding this to my profile eventually as well even though it was about as helpful as everything else included on it…

Lastly, that leaves the extremely seldom found actually decent person who actually wants to attempt to have a conversation with you! I’d say from my experience this is roughly about 1/10 or so which is probably almost being a bit generous…

My experience so far in communicating with this rare breed has been quite the mixed bag. Sometimes it seems like you two are getting along extremely well only for them to turn out to be one of the other previously two mentioned types of people or just disappearing without any reason/word a good majority of the time.

I have since still, somewhat continued to talk to a few individuals off these apps but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from them or not. I did meet one person so far in person which went reasonably well but after that night I have yet to hear from them again. (Probably because I was unwilling to perform certain acts on our first meeting if your curious…)

I think I’ve learned the best way to approach this type of thing is to simply have no serious expectations and just try your best to keep it fun and casual?

I know many people I know personally have been lucky enough to find real long lasting relationships so I believe that it’s possible and some level of hope for achieving this exists if that’s what you so desire. If you go in with the mindset of knowing what you want or are looking for then I think it’s worth trying at least. Just certainly expect quite a wide variety of people to sort through before finding someone looking for something similar.

I personally don’t know how much longer I intend to keep using them myself honestly. I already have not used them for at least a week and have no idea if I plan to return to continue to do so currently.

Why do I have to be cursed with being such a romantic?!?

Kidding for the most part, but I do feel a certain level of truth exists in this statement for those who may feel similar to myself.

Dating sucks whether it’s the old fashioned way or by newer means!

I will always believe that eventually everyone will find love and happiness with someone else if that’s what they truly hope to find!

We all deserve love and support in our lives no matter who that may come from!

I feel like this post has ended up way longer than I intended even with trying my best to hold back so I’ll wrap it up here, as always…

Thank you so much for Reading!


“From Ads to Avenue of Chat: A History of Online Dating” by Jenny Waterson is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0

Random Song Wednesdays! Alex Turner: Stuck on a Puzzle (A Potential New Series?)


I was thinking instead of doing “Wordless Wednesday” which I’ve become a huge fan of, that I would do something similar to this as a replacement!

Not to say that this a new concept by any means!

Just, I don’t know?

I think I have a lot to offer in the ways of random music that some may have never heard before and could appreciate.

My musical tastes really are so vast that I couldn’t possibly imagine being able to write about every band I love even if I started right now!

I thought this might be a neat alternative to help counteract this!

I’m not sure if I’m going to make it a guaranteed weekly thing just yet or if I will simply do it whenever a song strikes me that feels right!

We’ll see how it goes!

The following song I only found myself for the first time a few years back and could not get over how I hadn’t heard it previously with how much I love it now!

It is easily one of the most relaxing songs I’ve ever heard, perfectly suited for early morning, late night listening, any time of day! I always tend to put it on when I’m in a rough spot and just need to wind down.

The song has many different opinions of the romantic aspects conveyed.

Perhaps you will even be able to relate yourself?

Musically and lyrically I will always love this song!

Lemme know what you think of either the song or my new idea in general, please!


I now present to you by the lovely Alex Turner off the album Submarine…


“Stuck On The Puzzle”

I’m not the kind of fool
Who’s gonna sit and sing to you,
About stars, girl.

But last night I looked up into
The dark half of the blue,
And they’d gone backwards.

Something in your magnetism
Must have pissed them off,
Forcing them to get an early night.

I have been searching from
The bottom to the top
For such a sight
As the one I caught when I saw your

Fingers dimming the lights
Like you’re used to being told that you’re trouble
And I spent all night
Stuck on the puzzle

Nobody I asked
Knew how he came to be the one
To whom you surrendered

Any man who wasn’t led away
Into the other room
Stood pretending

That something in your magnetism
Hadn’t just made him drop
Whoever’s hand it was that he was holding.

I have been searching from
The bottom to the top
For such a sight
As the one I caught when I saw your

Fingers dimming the lights
Like you’re used to being told that you’re trouble
And I spent all night
Stuck on the puzzle

I tried to swim to the side
But my feet got caught in the middle
And I thought I’d seen the light
But oh no.

I was just stuck on the puzzle
Stuck on the puzzle.



I hope you enjoyed it!


“Missing pieces”by focusedcapture is licensed under CC BY 2.0