Just Wanted to Let You All Know I’m Still Here… (Also, I was Fired for the First Time in my Life…)


I can’t believe it’s been an entire month since I apologized for not being able to post after losing power for those few days weeks ago…

To say the least, that was the beginning of me entering one of my lovely “bad things tend to happen in threes” scenarios.

I find this quite funny considering one of the posts I had been working on at this time was on karma and how relevant it tends to be to my life in this respect. I will most likely edit said topic shortly after this and post it soon. Even though it seems odd to work on something I wrote over a month ago so we’ll see how that goes. It may not reflect my current feelings and circumstances which just wouldn’t feel right…

I sadly currently find myself in a very low place which occurs more often than I’d like in the course of my life. I found that when I first began to blog that it was very useful in helping me in this respect. Not only in organizing my own thoughts but also to help give me a task that I enjoyed doing. It doesn’t even necessarily feel right to post in a state of mind when I am not all that positive since this is what I always hope to inspire and convey. I am all about being real as well though which I guess is bound to coincide with this at times. I’m struggling very much right now to find anything that can hold my attention or give me even a moment of relief.

Gotta love depression!

It actually feels wrong to call this depression since actual clinical depression is typically brought on by nothing at all (which I’m no stranger to as well!) and this time I certainly have circumstances that have triggered my current feelings. (Or lack there of I should say…it’s sad how I still tend to revert to my “pre-transition” defense mechanism at times.)

I’m truly trying my best to not let my anxiety consume me as it has so many times before in the past.

To make a long story short, once my power was finally restored I came back to find my internet had been shut off which left me unable to post and I was only able to afford to restore it a few days ago. I live all by myself and just basic necessities are hard for me to maintain even when I do make decent money.

I briefly mentioned once I believe in my post on “satisfaction” that my job circumstances had recently changed for various reasons leading me to make a significant amount less than I was before so.

I had become completely content with this change in career because I thoroughly enjoyed the change of work experience and was really good at it if I do say so myself! My friend was my manager, with me being one of his assistant managers. I was happy and finally starting to feel better but with most good things in life this sadly came to an end sooner rather than later…

A number of “drama packed” incidents occurred within my company as they seem to do more often than not over my past two years with them which ended with my friend/boss quitting. This left my store in quite a disarray.

Two weeks later….for the first time in my life…

I was FIRED!

I was asked to leave one night with absolutely no reasoning by the person who was chosen to replace my boss. At first, he wouldn’t even give me a reason as I stated, just abruptly told me to clock out and leave for the night. Eventually, coming outside to speak to me informing me he heard rumors me and a fellow manager were planning a “mutiny.” Yes, he literally used this word…

The other girl and I were utterly shocked by this statement to say the least and couldn’t believe we were being dismissed for nothing but “locker room rumors” considering we were practically running the day to day operations entirely by ourselves. It ended with him saying we could both return to work the following day. The next morning, however, I woke up to a voicemail saying once again that I was no longer needed and that was that.

This was only last week…

I honestly wasn’t sure if I had planned to return regardless after such events having never experienced such disrespect and lack of trust in a workplace.

I’m still taking it quite hard because not only have I been told by every manager I’ve ever previously had within this company that I’m one of the “best workers they have ever had” but also for it to all to be so personal and really still without proper reasoning for my dismissal.

Others and myself have come to realize the whole situation may have had to do with me being trans, with it all just being an excuse to get rid of me which is something I’ve yet to deal with in a work place scenario. Perhaps why I didn’t even consider it at first.

This was a situation in which this middle-aged gentlemen used to treat me entirely different before he found out about me. He had actually worked below me at the time before his advancement and was no stranger to the occasional comment or more straightforward attempt to “hit on me.” After he was told, even though my interactions with him had changed, I never thought he would let it affect our professional relationship. Especially when I did so much for him after he took over.

At this point, it’s all neither here nor there I suppose…

I really only planned to make this a very quick entry stating that I was still around and hoping to become more active again.

I think I’m going to mix it up and just start to post whenever the time strikes me and feels right. Not to say that I ever forced anything in the past. I may revert back to a more solid schedule in the future. For now, however, I think this is the best plan until my life becomes a touch more stable again.

I know I have at least four or so drafts to edit and hopefully post in the near future I had previously already written, but I may just end up scrapping them at this point…

We’ll see!

Writing anew would probably be for the best right now in my current state anyway!

I’m sure I’ll push through like I always do!

Hope you all are doing well!

(I feel like I’m already going to regret this absolute drivel…at least I posted again at all.)


“Birds…”by nightshiftboy is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Trans-Topic Thursdays! I Really Dislike the Term “Trap” in the Anime/Otaku Community.


What are your first thoughts when you look at this small happy smiling anime girl in the image above?

Maybe you are thinking she just looks like your standard cutesy adorable type of character you tend to see often in many series?

You would be entirely correct in this statement and should think nothing less!

Granted her character in this show is actually a zombie but we’ll get to that in a minute…

For those of you who may not be all that familiar with the anime/otaku world let me begin by explaining just exactly how the word “trap” has been used by many in the community over the years.

The word trap in this particular instance as you may have guessed after me deciding to feature it as a “Trans-Topic” as opposed to placing it under a “Media Monday” post is used in a way you can probably imagine. It is used fairly commonly to describe, in a very general sense, a character who is for one reason or another implied to be “trapping you” by presenting as a gender other than their own.

Anime, manga, and the like is more filled with this particular “trope” then one may think initially if you have not been exposed to a great deal of it. It can arise in many forms, to just random moments, an episode or two, or even be the primary premise for an entire show in some cases. This can vary greatly from characters who cross-dress, actual physical transformations caused by fantastical means, or androgynous characters who may be hard to distinguish and/or are often “confusing” to others in many incidences. (I’m looking at you, Hideyoshi!)

In some cases as you may have guessed, however, some of these characters that people refer to as traps are legitimate trans people!

The first of my examples being the character I mentioned at the beginning of this topic! Her name is Lily from a reasonably newer anime called “Zombie Land Saga.” Lily, as I’m sure you may have guessed by now is revealed to be a young trans girl only towards the end of the series. I feel this is one of the most well done scenes in anime that has been done to this day to convey that she is transgendered in a very subtle realistic manner.

In the eighth episode she has a conversation with one of the other main girls in the show simply explaining about how she used to go by another name and giving a quick brief summary of her past explaining how her new name came to be. All the lead girls in this show are an idol group who are made up of the undead, hence the name of the series. You find out slowly how all the girls met their various ends with Lily’s death occurring from the stress of growing her first chin hair! If this isn’t as equally adorable as much as it hilariously expresses how some trans-females truly feel when puberty begins than I don’t know what is!

The next character I would like to discuss comes from an older anime released in 2005 known as “Paradise Kiss.” This show revolves around a group of fashion students primarily and their various other life struggles. One of the characters named Isabella is easily one of the most respectable representations of a genuine trans-woman I have ever seen in any anime!

This is another perfect example of a character whose “reveal” does not take place until much later in the series. I honestly questioned it somewhat myself when I first began to watch the show and had all but written it off feeling that I tend to do this in many circumstances as a trans-woman myself hoping to find such an amazing strong female character to potentially be transgendered!

The scene in which this is shown involves a flashback of her and a male lead from the show as children in which it shows the male character fully accepting her to the point he begins to design dresses for her to wear. When she first puts one on in front of him she is clearly very shy and embarrassed, with this almost instantaneously being erased from the full support of her friend. Since that day she lived her life as herself and that was that. Minor incidences do take place that portray some levels of discrimination at points, some of which you may not necessarily even pick up on in earlier episodes.

These are my primary examples of strong legitimate trans-female characters to appear in anime that are both so realistically presented.

A series named “Wandering Son” is one I wanted to mention very briefly as well. This particular show’s primary theme revolves solely around both a young trans female and a trans male. It portrays both of their individual struggles of being transgendered mostly involving a school setting. I highly recommend it to anyone who may be trans themselves or interested in the topic in general! (I say brief because I almost feel this show may deserve it’s own topic one day in the future!)

I would hope that some of you at this point would be beginning to understand how these particular characters, as many others, being referred to as “traps” is just plain incorrect and upsetting in a number of ways.

This term is often viewed in a whole other way than simply being used incorrectly on occasion. It can often tend to be looked at in terms of attraction and/or imply “sexual connotations.” I’m sure some of you have seen in past posts of mine that one of the number one things I can’t stand is when someone views transgender individuals as a fetish of any kind. The use of this word to describe and discuss characters who may be actual transsexuals or not only seeks to further enforce that this notion is acceptable in a number of ways.

I’m sure many view this as nothing but simple harmless banter. However, in this day and age where transgendered people have been placed in the “spotlight” more than ever in recent years I would really love to see it slowly cease being used if possible. I know this probably isn’t realistic to expect it to happen overnight. This is simply one of the more primary reasons I’ve always wanted to discuss this topic on some form of media.

I hope that even one person who may use this term on occasion would even slightly reconsider what the term “trap” can imply and mean to some. Potentially, maybe thinking twice about continuing to do so in the future.

Thank you so much for Reading!