Trans-Topic Thursdays! Mental Changes from Hormones! (Almost more Prevalent than Physical Changes in my Opinion!)

I know that this topic is not one that is insanely unspoken about by any means! I do feel that in some ways it is almost put on the back-burner in a sense more often than not for some. I felt the need to write it more for those who may view or think being transgendered/transitioning is all more about the “physical aspect” of things than anything else.

Whether you be trans yourself or maybe just curious! I hope you enjoy!

Anyone who has read any of my previous posts will know that I have been on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for roughly five years now. Words can honestly not even begin to describe the roller-coaster something like this entails! I truly don’t think it will ever be something one can fully relate to unless you are transgendered yourself and choose to pursue hormone therapy.

I like to refer to the first, give or take, two years I was on hormones to be the “puberty phase.” During this time you are experiencing more emotions, thoughts, and feelings than you can hardly stand half the time typically leaving you overwhelmed in a multitude of ways for various reasons.

Not only are you literally fully replacing all the hormones in your body, which effect more aspects of every sense of our lives more so than some probably may realize or think about all too often. You are also dealing with who knows what the heck else. You are most likely horribly depressed, anxious, you may not have support, etc…

I was lucky in the sense to have amazing support almost all around but I had plenty of others unique circumstances I was dealing with as well. I can easily say that this whole period of time was the most depressing period and hardest times I’ve ever went through in my life. (Which is saying something I assure you!)

I spent probably my first three months on hormones sleeping almost all day, everyday, not only from depression but the effects of the changes I was experiencing from such at abrupt change to my system. For most of these first two years I was irritable, upset, exhausted, barely ate half the time, I barely functioned in general…

Then, miraculously one day (which literally feels like it comes out of absolutely nowhere!) I realized two things…

I’m kind of starting to feel a ton better and more stable?

Actually….I feel like a totally different person!

THIS IS INSANE! HOW AND WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?

I swear you will always read or see about this aspect of transitioning and taking hormones often discussed by others but it’s unimaginable until you truly experience it for yourself.

Don’t get me wrong! I am still 100% myself in so many ways!

It’s almost more as if who I’ve always been is just like enhanced? (For lack of a better word or ability to explain…)

I feel another potentially huge factor in all this is also how, more often than not, trans people will suppress who they really are in a lot of ways. I mention in my coming out post about how I used to mainly just let myself be emotionless almost, unintentionally, so I didn’t have to deal with how I really felt.

I can assure you now that I feel more emotions and cycle through more thoughts in a single day than I can even handle some days! Ha ha!

I feel in some ways like I was only born about 3 years ago and honestly never feel like the person I was before was ever me.

(I often think about how funny it would be if we could somehow meet. I think it would be HILARIOUS!)

When you first begin HRT I think a lot of the initial effects come more from relief of finally starting steps to help yourself and may in some ways even be a type of “placebo effect.”

Let me assure you, however!

Things are going to change one day in ways you can’t even comprehend out of nowhere and it will be amazing!

Be patient! As always, with all aspects of transitioning YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY!

Transitioning is by no means a race! Unless growing as a person every single day like we all should in life should be rushed… (Sarcasm!)

While, I still struggle in plenty of ways, as we all do, whether it be “normal problems” or transgendered related things, I have never felt better about myself as a person all around and continue to get happier and more comfortable every single day!

I do intend to make a post in the future pertaining to more specific examples and experiences that these changes have entailed but for now I think this will do just fine!

I hope this has been mildly entertaining and/or informative!

Thank you so much Reading!

Till, next time!

“Keeping in Touch”by MadalynChristine is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Trans-Topic Thursdays! What you can/cannot expect if you decide to take hormones. (Mtf perspective)

Just for clarification I’m almost certain most/all of these pills aren’t actually hormones…I just thought this was really pretty, ha ha!

I’d like to start this post by specifying, once again, something I mentioned in my “So you think you might be Trans” post. Hormones are to be taken very SERIOUSLY! They are not something that you just wake up one day and are like, “Hey, this sounds awesome! I’m gonna start this right now!” This is not at all how something as serious as hormones should be approached by any means.

Hormones will change everything about you both physically and mentally. When I say they will change everything I mean they will change EVERYTHING!

Some of the physical and/or emotional effects of hormones can be reversed if for some reason or another you decide to stop taking them. The longer you are on them, the harder it may or may not be for certain things to change or revert. Sometimes, it is even necessary to undergo reverse hormone therapy in some cases I’ve read.

So please, if you or anyone you know is debating starting hormone therapy in the future for any reason make sure that proper research and/or counseling is obtained beforehand.

With all that once again being stated…

Let’s begin shall we!

For me, personally, hormones were a struggle and a half at the beginning to say the least….

It took me over a year to have my blood-work return with levels in a healthy “normal” female range. I feel this was primarily in my case because I first chose to start by taking the pill form of estrogen. (I still hate needles and every time I have to do an injection!) I have never personally responded much to pills for whatever reason, no matter what they were for. I don’t know if this has to do with my metabolism or what but they just don’t typically work for me. I eventually ended up switching to injections and have since never had the above mentioned issues. This is a clear example of what I’m sure if you’ve even mildly searched this topic previously have come across this statement….

Your Mileage May Vary!

No truer words can be spoken when talking about hormones and how anyone is going to experience any type of changes. This is the number one thing to always remember. You can not always relate or compare your current/on-going experiences with others.

(After, what seems to be becoming a pattern with my trans-related posts, enormous intro…)

We might as well start with the fun stuff first so…

What changes can you expect?

Once again, this is all based on my own personal experiences so I may miss some things but I’ll try my best to cover everything.

Most noticeable, right off the bat, I primarily remember my skin changing. It gets softer, smoother, and just all around more feminine and awesome! I feel like this enough at the start helps you to feel even slightly better about your dysphoria. One noticeable downside to this is that softer/smoother is usually because your skin is actually becoming thinner. This means that you will probably begin to experience for example, “coldness” in ways you never have felt before. Any males who may be reading have LITERALLY no idea how much colder females usually truly are!

I guess, that leads right into one of the next which is loss of muscle mass. Some things like your limbs, hands, feet, (I guess everything…ha ha!) also will, slowly but surely, begin to shrink and/or take on a more feminine appearance. I was never like “super duper” strong before but the strength difference is almost unbelievable at times.

Moving right along, simultaneously, while all this loss is going on you are also gaining something. FAT! In places you may not have had before, all over your body! At first, I feel this is most noticeable in the face which helps greatly in obtaining a more feminine appearance. Followed only shortly by both hip/thigh and breast development.

Personally, I am still very lacking in all of these, sadly, being very small in all of these departments but I was always fairly skinny my entire life. I’ve been told/seen that it is much easier to obtain these things if you had more weight to work with in the first place. (I swear no matter what I do or eat I don’t gain a pound. Both a blessing and a curse I assure you!) I did still get to go through the lovely “puberty phase” of growing buds and the like while my breasts were developing. I have plenty of stretch marks on my inner thighs from them growing as well, so that’s awesome…

Hair is another major thing that will change, both on your head and your body. I was luckily blessed with never having all that much body hair myself. Any that I did have has almost completely ceased to exist at least in primarily male related spots such as chest, stomach, etc. Body hair in general everywhere on your body will most likely thin out and/or become much softer. Hair on your head, however, if you are “lucky” enough to be like me and have a slight recede, will grow back in some. Not by any great strides that could fully make you regrow a full head of hair if you may already be balding but enough to help somewhat.

Lastly, hormones will lead to you eventually becoming “impotent” most likely shortly after you begin taking them. Meaning you will not be able to produce what you would need to have children that were biologically your own. Plenty of options are available for those concerned with this. You can always freeze your “specimen” at various facilities but I’ve been told this is very expensive. You could adopt which I’ve always thought is one of the most awesome things anyone could ever do, no matter the circumstance. Maybe this isn’t a concern of yours at all and then you’re good to go!

I think, for the most part, that primarily covers most physical changes you can expect…

So, let’s move on to what will NOT change!

First off, your voice will not change on it’s own. This takes weeks, months, or even years to achieve with constant dedication and practice. I intend to make a post focusing solely on this in the near future so let’s move on for now.

Second, one that I hate every single day of my life at some point usually. You will always have the same bone structure and nothing is ever going to change that except for potentially very serious surgeries. If you are lucky to be blessed with things like me (ex. enormous rib-cage and broad shoulders!) you will always have them, so learn to love them! They will become slightly less noticeable by the muscle loss, mentioned above, hopefully though.

Hmm? I can’t really think of anything else right now…

I’m sure this post is probably big enough by this point anyway…

For those of you reading this who may be looking to begin hormone therapy in the future please take to heart what I’ve said and make sure to do your research. Talk to people, a therapist, a friend or family member, anyone you have before potentially deciding to begin. Hormones will change everything about you as previously stated and are not be taken lightly by any means. Not only will they change you physically but they will also change you mentally. (I plan to do an entirely separate post on this topic in the future. I feel it isn’t as often discussed and almost more prevalent/powerful in my opinion.)

I know that you may/may not have felt this way your entire life and/or the feelings are so strong right now that it may be all you can think about but please take your time. Make sure you know with 100% certainty that this is what you want with your life. Do not rush any type of decision making in your transition process.

It’s a marathon, not a race!

I think I said that right? Ha ha!

I’m going to wrap this up now, Till next time!

“Pillustration” by Benjamin Kranzusch is licensed under CC BY-NC 4.0