Trans-Topic Thursdays! My Recent Experience Trying Dating Apps for the First Time!

transgender, Uncategorized 5 Minutes

As the title would suggest, I recently only a short while ago decided to finally experiment with dating apps for the first time ever in my life.

I’m a very traditional girl in every sense of the word when it comes to relationships and the like.

I’m not the type to do one night stands or any type of random hook ups really. I prefer to actually date someone that I share a real connection with and don’t do so very often. I can easily count the number of serious relationships I’ve ever really had on one hand.

I’ve always been a sucker for “movie magic romance” I suppose.

Two people meet in real life by chance, instantly share a connection and it just grows from there. Maybe a good old damsel in distress scenario, love at first sight or any of the other various movie cliches they make you believe as a child, ha ha!

Clearly, I’m grown up a lot and have realized it takes a lot more than such things to make a relationship work. The sole reason for me expressing all this is simply I never thought I would ever try any type of dating app in my life.

So, how did it go you might be wondering?

I barely even know where to begin…

I was absolutely overwhelmed with messages to say the least! Easily over a hundred only within the first day or so…

I’ve only played around with two separate apps so far so I’m sure results can vary greatly depending on which ones you may try but I primarily dealt with the same things on both of these.

First of all, being transgendered, I am never one not to disclose this information to someone the second they show any type of romantic interest in me. (This has really hurt in a number of ways previously in “real life” for the record which may even be what prompted me to try this is the first place.) In both of my profiles I made sure to express I was trans right away in the first section of my introduction.

Yet still…

A good majority of men clearly don’t read this at all and I found myself on multiple occasions dealing with them being both shocked and/or disgusted!

This makes a girl feel fantastic I assure you! (Trademark Sarcasm!)

After I get done sorting through these lovely types of people I’ve found that three main groups of others remain!

  1. Regular run of the mill perverts/creeps! (Which I know all woman have experienced whether they want to or not!)
  2. Fetish types! (Who rarely are even well informed on trans-related topics)
  3. The very elusive potentially good guy!

I wouldn’t imagine I need to say much about how creepy some men can be. No offense to some of you gentlemen! Seriously, I even felt the need to eventually put in my profile that I won’t even respond if you instantly show me a pic of your “private areas,” then isn’t that almost enough said? Let alone just the instantaneous random very inappropriate comments!

Now, fetish types, this one almost deserves it’s own post in the future so I’ll try to keep this brief. If you at all attempt to approach or date a trans-person I can almost guarantee 100% of the time that they will never want to viewed as anything but themselves! If you have any interest in us just for being what we are then you need to GO AWAY!

This almost became a game to me at a point to make it my own personal pleasure to destroy these types of people! I would only do this after trying my best to honestly educate them on transgender individuals before so for the record.

This leads me right into my next point that applies to both these first two groups, being simply that in some circumstances that being transgendered somehow implies that you are “desperate” in the eyes of some people. I don’t understand what puts this idea in some peoples heads and maybe it doesn’t apply to all but it sure does to me! I have stayed single for quite some time by choice for the most part I promise you! I actually ended up adding this to my profile eventually as well even though it was about as helpful as everything else included on it…

Lastly, that leaves the extremely seldom found actually decent person who actually wants to attempt to have a conversation with you! I’d say from my experience this is roughly about 1/10 or so which is probably almost being a bit generous…

My experience so far in communicating with this rare breed has been quite the mixed bag. Sometimes it seems like you two are getting along extremely well only for them to turn out to be one of the other previously two mentioned types of people or just disappearing without any reason/word a good majority of the time.

I have since still, somewhat continued to talk to a few individuals off these apps but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from them or not. I did meet one person so far in person which went reasonably well but after that night I have yet to hear from them again. (Probably because I was unwilling to perform certain acts on our first meeting if your curious…)

I think I’ve learned the best way to approach this type of thing is to simply have no serious expectations and just try your best to keep it fun and casual?

I know many people I know personally have been lucky enough to find real long lasting relationships so I believe that it’s possible and some level of hope for achieving this exists if that’s what you so desire. If you go in with the mindset of knowing what you want or are looking for then I think it’s worth trying at least. Just certainly expect quite a wide variety of people to sort through before finding someone looking for something similar.

I personally don’t know how much longer I intend to keep using them myself honestly. I already have not used them for at least a week and have no idea if I plan to return to continue to do so currently.

Why do I have to be cursed with being such a romantic?!?

Kidding for the most part, but I do feel a certain level of truth exists in this statement for those who may feel similar to myself.

Dating sucks whether it’s the old fashioned way or by newer means!

I will always believe that eventually everyone will find love and happiness with someone else if that’s what they truly hope to find!

We all deserve love and support in our lives no matter who that may come from!

I feel like this post has ended up way longer than I intended even with trying my best to hold back so I’ll wrap it up here, as always…

Thank you so much for Reading!

“From Ads to Avenue of Chat: A History of Online Dating” by Jenny Waterson is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0

Published by Cailin Conroy

Just your regular ol' 32-year-old music loving, video game, anime obsessed trans girl!

Published

28 thoughts on “Trans-Topic Thursdays! My Recent Experience Trying Dating Apps for the First Time!”

      1. Hmm, ok. To your way of thinking it is wrong for a heterosexual to only want to be with a member of the opposite sex?

        A heterosexual male would (I assume) have needs, drives and desires, especially for progeny, that can only be met by females.

        Do you consider yourself to be a female and if so, would you expect a heterosexual man to see you as a possible wife?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I absolutely 100% consider myself to be female, always have been and always will. Especially now after taking hormones for the past five years, having normal female hormone levels for quite some time. They have changed me both physically and mentally completely to help me feel more comfortable and content with myself. I have legally at this point in my transition changed my gender as well on my license, birth certificate, etc.

        As far as heterosexuals only being attracted to the opposite sex I would say levels of attraction can vary greatly for all individuals. I completely understand however some being uncomfortable being with a transgender person in some ways though. I do feel this can have a lot to do with social stigmas in a way as well.

        With my experience dating males in the past I could say I’m fairly certain I was able to meet their various needs/desires. As far as the ability to produce offspring this is something I feel is almost relatable to non-trans woman who for whatever reason are not able to have children of their own. I feel I can relate in some ways wishing that I could somehow myself be able to. Adoption and/or various other services are always available if you do wish to have children in this case whether you are trans or not.

        Lastly, as far as marriage is concerned if the right man ever came along I don’t see why not! 😉

        For the record I also never fully rule out attraction to anyone regardless of gender identity. I just tend to be more attracted to males typically.

        I hope I was able to cover most of your questions in all that rambling. Please feel free to ask me anything you like anytime! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      3. But genetically you are completely male. Nothing can ever change that.

        So for a normal heterosexual man who needs a female, a chemically feminized male will not fill their needs.

        Nor should the feminized male expect that from the heterosexual male.

        He is looking for a wife, someone to bear his progeny and someone to be sexually intimate with. He is looking for and attracted to females.

        Like

      5. No problem, even though I’d be lying if I said your reply to my well thought out responses didn’t hurt me a little in some ways.

        Also, I can’t say I have ever heard of Mike Penner in any sense.

        Like

      6. I promise you it’s not meant in any way to hurt you.

        I’m female and heterosexual. I know that even if I was momentarily attracted to another female, I could never be fulfilled in that situation because the things I’ve needed for that fulfillment were only completely found in the opposite sex.

        Say for instance Cher’s daughter, I’ve forgotten her name and her male name. But as a heterosexual, even though she considers herself a man, I could not be fulfilled in that situation.

        Am I wrong for that? No, I just know my nature.

        See what I mean?

        I think also what I’m trying to say is don’t take it personally if Het guys aren’t all in.

        It doesn’t mean they are phobic of something (although some may indeed be), it just means that it’s their nature to desire the opposite sex.

        Hey, I’m sure I’m way older than you and not saying that means I’m smarter.
        I guess I’ve just seen a lot.
        I do greatly appreciate the opportunity to discuss the issues. I know we probably wouldn’t ever agree on much, but I honestly do appreciate your willingness to talk.

        Like

      7. I know from previous comments and interactions that you truly always do seem to approach things with a certain level of respect which I greatly always appreciate! It’s honestly probably the only reason I even took the liberty to respond on these particular comments because of this and how you seem to be a good person for the most part.

        I promise I meant absolutely no disrespect! A primary reason I write on trans related topics is in hopes of helping to educate others with little to no exposure to actual trans people.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. My roommates during college were all gay. I think if it had been better known, one would have identified as trans. Or if it had been more acceptable.

        However at that time in the wider gay community, “tranny” wasn’t always a positive sobriquet.

        Like

      9. Well sexual orientation has nothing to do with being transgendered which I’ve explained in a previous post so I’m not sure I understand that correlation…

        I also despise the word “tranny” for the record. 😢

        Like

      11. DNA and genetics are all still very up in the air right now with scientific studies when it relates to transgender people for one. For all I know I could have XXY chromosomes but I’ve never been tested because it’s not important to me to confirm who I know I’ve always been.

        I’ve also stated in other posts and our current comment discussion that I don’t limit my sexual attraction based on gender identity.

        I feel your almost getting a touch aggressive at this point and I’m not sure how much longer I intend to respond if your persist.

        Like

      13. I once again truly mean no disrespect of any kind. You just seem overly determined to find someway to invalidate my being female. For quite some time I have dealt with the same struggles and concerns any women does in my daily normal life with most having no idea I am even trans unless I choose to disclose this information.

        You seem to also not be fully taking into account everything I am replying with when I’m trying so hard. For example, you completely disregarded my comments about other woman not being able to have children for various reasons. You just replied with exactly what you had said the first time. So in your eyes does any woman who finds themselves unable to have children not be suitable for marriage?

        I will look into this Mike Penner in the future but could only imagine what it would entail at this point.

        Like

      14. Of course some women are infertile and/or can’t carry children. That doesn’t change their female DNA.

        And people who are genetically male will never be able to give birth.

        I’m not sure what you meant by that.

        Nothing ever can change that.

        I’m not trying to be rude, I just often do not have a lot of time to dissect every issue.

        I’m interested to hear what you think, it’s an interesting situation.

        Take care.

        Like

      15. I was just simply trying to say you had used that reasoning twice as to why I would unsuitable for marriage is all.

        Simultaneously proving my point once again about disregarding things I’m saying with what I have previously stated on genetics. For all I or you know I could very well have XXY chromosomes so what is your opinion though on some who are born intersex?

        Liked by 1 person

      16. Don’t be angry, try and think of it not as me trying to prove you wrong or put this on a personal level.

        My first and original point was that heterosexual men have the right to desire a female partner.

        I have two sons. Think of my original point as being somewhat in defense of their rights.

        Heterosexual men shouldn’t be looked at in askance if they are not attracted to chemically feminized men.

        Not saying some aren’t, I’ve actually known a guy who was.

        Again, it’s interesting to discuss and I’m thankful you spent the time telling me how you feel.

        Intersex, that’s a very interesting subject. But would you want something that’s a mutation to try and prove a point?

        People born intersex can fall in different areas. If you take someone like Caster Semenya, who is obviously genetically male but was born with a vague/faux vaginal opening and a micro penis that could be a very large clitoris, genetically what are they?

        Chromosomes and testosterone levels, and all appearances would lead one to say that that particular person is more male with an unfortunate mutation of the sex organs.

        Like

      17. I’m not at all angry by any means. It’s extremely hurtful and upsetting to be continually referred to as a “chemically feminized male” for one. Also the fact that I feel like whatever I am saying is just being completely disregarded when you continue to say the same things over and over regardless of what I attempt to express.

        I have from the start agreed with you that everyone has their opinions and preferences on who they can find sexually attractive with things rarely being so rigid often being a wide spectrum. Also no man should ever be considered gay in my opinion for being attracted to a transgender female.

        Once again in regards to intersex individuals I have previously stated I have no interest in even having such a test performed because I don’t need it to justify who I am. I find it very offense to refer to anyone who may be for it to be considered a “mutation” as well. This very thing negates any type of genetic qualifications you feel could indicate gender once again with many people being born with XXY chromosomes and other variations. Appearance alone as well should never affect how one should perceive another’s gender.

        I have been trying to explain all this in a very general sense and not at all based on how I feel personally.

        Liked by 1 person

      18. Life is a lot better without constantly finding things offensive.

        A mutation is a mutation. There isn’t a morality attached to that. It just is.

        I’ll circle back around if you want to keep talking. But my eyes are hurting. Our power went out at work today and I was on a deadline. Had two write two lengthy news releases, including tracking changes, on my phone!

        I’ll leave you with my opinion about intersexed kids. Leave them alone. Let them grow up and see which hormones dominate.

        By all means don’t surgically change those infants!

        Like

      22. I write about transgender related topics with the hopes of educating others and helping fellow trans people. Even if it may hurt me sometimes to get such reply’s in a way, it is all the more reason I feel the need to respond but thank you. 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

  2. As for the write-up, it was so honest! I found myself saying, “Oh my God! She’s so right,” up aloud midway reading it.
    Cailin, I am a straight woman. Yet, I could connect with you. I myself just started looking online, after years of looking at it in disdain. And I so agree with one particular thing that you said about a person being single out of choice. Been there, done that. And it’s okay! At that time, we were not in that frame of mind. Now we are. And nobody can blame us for it!
    Lots of love! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment